So much going on.............

Well I'm about 3 weeks away from my last chemo and I'm feeling pretty good. I still get pretty tired and my memory is bad at times- especially when I'm stressed out.


Lately I'm super stressed. I have to give a talk (3min) at church Sunday. I'm a bit nervous because like I said my memory can get wacked out; ya know like when you see someone you know and their names escapes you? Sometimes the harder you try to remember the worse it gets.........I could see that happening to me at church. I also have to give this talk at every mass on Sunday and at Saturday night mass. It's pretty simple I suppose, but I had to come up with it by myself and that was harder than I thought. When I brought it to the committee to review they had suggestions so I have to re-do somethings. The talk has to do with getting more volunteers for our annual church bazaar. I'm trying to not let it get to me, but it's hard.

I'm also stressed because things at home are stressed as well. Can't go into detail there, but cancer really messes a lot of things up. It's very painful at this point and I assumed it would be a really happy time. Now I know why they keep asking if I need to talk to someone. The 3 us of are in pain at different times, but sometimes we're all in pain at the same time and that isn't fun. We will probably need some sort of support. We've had no experience with this so it's hard for sure. It's not fair Lucas has to go through this......Rob either. We just have to do the right thing so it ends up making us stronger.


Feeling a little stress about my upcoming surgery- next Tuesday. Surgery is not too bad it's the anticipation that drives me crazy. I won't get a time for my surgery until the day before and if it's a late appointment that's hard. We may go the day before my surgery in case the appointment is first thing in the morning.
While we are there I have to check out a place I may stay while there for radiation.
This week I also have to research other places where I may be able to stay during radiation treatment.

Oh that reminds me I need to get a zip front bra for after surgery.


My tissue expander in my chest feels so much better full. I actually feel more balanced so that is really nice. Sleeping has been a bit easier as far as the tissue expander, but hot flashes during the night stink. Menopause actually stinks.......maybe if it was gradual and I had time to prepare it wouldn't bother me so much, but I'm not liking it. There are more issues besides hot flashes and they really bother me. I'm crying more by myself because of all the changes. It's like so much is gone and I don't know how to get back to normal. Sometimes I get mad. I heard it will be a long while before I am back to some sort of normal. This whole thing messes with you emotionally.

I've talked to a few of my cancer friends like M from Sloan and she is doing so good with her eating and exercising it is inspiring. She always talks with me about food and exercise. My friend B is so good to me as well; she helps me spiritually. B attended the healing mass I go to and that was nice. While at mass a woman came up to me and said she was drawn to pray for me- at first I'm like really? I must be in worse shape than I thought. Well emotionally I've had some difficulties so maybe that explains her draw to me. She turned out to be nun who has recently moved back to the area and she was very kind to me. Healing mass was great as usual and mom went with me.

I'm learning how true this is:
A survivor once told me she told her children to be nice to everyone because you never know what they are going through and she was so right!

I missed 2 days of walking my 2 miles because the weather has been cold and I had a lot of things going on at home I had to do. Excuses Excuses I know.........
I have to say I feel less stiff in the morning and all day if I get my walk in; so I will get back on track.
My feet still bother me at times but they go more than the first 1 1/2 before going numb.

I'm juicing most mornings and starting to like it almost as much as coffee.....sort of.

I changed up my playlist in honor of my sister-in-law's Bday....hope you recognize it Becky. I was proud of myself.