Monday, November 30, 2009
Today I get my 1st fill which should be interesting. I have a metal plate attached to the tissue expander which has the expander opening. They will search for the opening with a magnet and then fill it. No I don't have an opening or anything so I guess they will stick me with a needle type thing. I may be sore after- like I have a real tight bra on.
I also meet with my surgeon and I do know my path report for the most part, but I am nervous. Results of any sort scare me - I thinks it's normal. I'm confused what pill I want to take this morning- anxiety or pain?
If anyone out there is wondering about my reconstruction check this out
You can follow her through her journey. She actually had both her breasts reconstructed.
I won't know about my chemo until I meet with my oncologist.
Lucas is going to be 13- and not a clue what to do for his bday. Ok- I may have a clue, like he wants a phone. What kind of party? Could go either way- boys, girls- fun- cool- too young- too old. I seen some pics of a party he went to boy/girl dance party and a boy had 2 hands on a girl's bottom while slow dancing.....oh no no no.....that's not happening. May have skipped that party if I had known. And yes there are pics on the Internet.
I'll come up with something.
Well I have to go do my exercises and pray. Someone at church said I was tough and I feel like a big baby at this moment. I'll have to turn up my 50cent tune- Get UP. I don't agree with this harsh music but it does toughen me up.
Another song I love when walking is Evacuate the Dance Floor. The one day I had my ipod on in the house after my walk and I was dancing like mad for who knows how long- while Rob was watching. That was funny....I'm starting to feel less stressed.
Here's a pic from Mardi Gras the last year before the flood. See how I can dance? I love the hand behind the head.....What a cheese ball. The guy? Rob was taking the pic. Yeah I know all those beads.....it's not what it looks like.
I have another St. Theresa story for next post. I continue to be blessed my her. I've come a long way, thanks to her.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Today is good. I'm so blessed to still pray hard and have help from above. When I think back to my St. Theresa prayers and the things I ask for they come to me. Like when I was at the hospital for my 2nd surgery I had the women in the store tell me that a mastectomy was nothing she had been through it. After that I had a man (a big jolly guy) tell me not to worry his wife had breast cancer 15 years ago and it will be ok. Then my nurse told me that "This is just a bump in the road.". At first I didn't think much of it, but then I thought of the prayer which contains this:
Little Flower, give me your childlike faith, to see the Face of God in the people and experiences of my life, and to love God with full confidence.
I work hard on this, but at times I struggle with my confidence. I only told my mom about one night having a feeling of Jesus telling my nodes were going to be clear. I didn't talk about it because of confidence I suppose. I only told my mom after they told me my nodes were clear. So then when I got the report that one was not I was thrown, not only because I didn't want any nodes to have cells, but because I thought for sure Jesus was talking to me it really hurt. This is where I believe my faith was tested. I thought about it a lot before today. At times I thought this is where Jesus was talking about clear nodes, but I still struggled with believing. I feel so bad not being so confident. I will continue to pray for confidence.
God was speaking to me through those people.
On another note I read every day from Daily Word for Women written by Colleen Zuck, Janie Wright, and Elaine Meyer. I love this book and recently read about Kindness:
I know that this is true for me: When I am kind to others, I am the first to be blessed.
This is because the kindness that I give to anyone must first move through me, and it does as a warm glow of love and acceptance emanating from God's spirit with me. Kindness immediately refreshes me with thoughts of what is highest and best.
That refreshing, relaxing feeling then moves throughout my body, relieving me of any stored tension, freeing my organs and muscles to function in perfect ways.
I may not think that everyone deserves my kindest thoughts, but I need to be blessed by them. For my own well-being, I express kindness that heals and refreshes me and all my relationships.
As hard as this is when I'm down I at least make sure I smile. Today when I was at the store I smiled at a guy and he said: "Thank you for that smile, it's so nice around Thanksgiving to see that and be thankful." Then he said, "God Bless You Princess".
It's going to be a great Thanksgiving. I know I have a way to go but it will be ok.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Well I ended up going to the party and seen some good friends. it was nice to get out even if i did have a drain! Black is slimming when sporting a drain! LOL
We took a couple of pictures before we went out.
Well I gotta go say prayers with Lucas!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
So all the nodes are gone. This is good because they can all be checked and that will help in determining my treatment. Nothing new to report on the nodes because from the human eye they look ok so they need to cut them up into tiny pieces. On this trip I was escorted by my hubby, dad and bro. It was pretty fun traveling with the guys.
While at Sloan I went to the shop for an insert for my new boob area and the cutest lady spoke to me about her mast. when she was younger and had small children. She is now going to be a grandmother. I thanked her for talking with me because at times I'm so nervous, and she said she still gets nervous when she goes for her mamo. See I'm normal. Plus I think God sent her my way because earlierI asked God why I struggle sometimes and if there is any way he can help me. I was having a hard time, but while praying I felt joy. I have so much ahead of me!
Lucas made the basketball team - and I was so happy for him! I look at his picture all the time and it makes me feel so strong and good all over.
I love Rob and he is taking care of my drain again. I am hoping to get it out before Thanksgiving! I wanted to go to a party we were invited to but not sure if I'll go with this drain in.
I love this outfit:
Well - I better get going! I love you
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
As you can imagine we were disappointed and I always go to the bad thoughts. So no fill appointment because I will be having all my nodes taken out Wednesday. Yeah more surgery! I'm not worried about that, just praying for more clear nodes.
I had 2 removed and 1 had cells and 1 didn't. Also they were too small to see the day of my last surgery it was only as dissecting them that they found them. Thank GOD!
As soon as I got home I called my angel CAROL and she always makes me feel good! She is also battling cancer. Also called my other angel MISSY who has battled breast cancer. I love them.
Ya know I was feeling scared because it seems like cancer is chasing me, but I have now decided that all this testing is proof that I am chasing cancer! I want it all out! I want my life and I'm not going to let it get me as much as I have! Well that's my new thing. We are coming for you cancer and I can be a real bitch if I want to!
Keep praying- Love
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Ok - I have a great story!
Today is Sunday and I woke up and started to get ready for church. I struggled in the bathroom because I was thinking about my right breast and how sad it was that it had to be removed. I missed it a lot. I have something there but still. I cried a good one and then I thought how blessed I am.
Now on to the story:
I got to church an hour before mass started because as Rob was dropping off Lucas for religious ed. I would get dropped off at church and do my prayers in church.
I love going early because it's so quiet and I like to pray before the statue of the Blessed Mother. I like to do this because I'm a visual person and looking at the statue makes me feel good. As I've been learning to meditate I also use meditating during prayer. I like to meditate everyday on my crucifix. I look at and pray on the face of Jesus on the cross. I like this because I was told that my cancer is my crucifix to carry so I try to think about Jesus carrying his cross and I get great strength from that. A couple of times I have meditated and thought the eyes on my Jesus were open. On my actual cross they are closed but I swear a couple times now they are open. This is special and I would have never believed in such a thing if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.
So I said my prayer by the Blessed Mother and then I sat down to say my morning prayers and say a rosary. I saved my St. Theresa Prayer for the basement where I found a statue of St. Theresa a few weeks ago. I love looking at her. After that I went to the restroom because I needed to take some Tylenol before mass. The sink in the bathroom was out of order so I had to go up stairs.
I was making my way through the basement when I seen a women, tall, slender, cool glasses, long brown coat, beautiful brown leather purse and amazing scarf making her way towards St. Theresa. I thought to myself - How strange I never seen anyone else greet the statues in the basement before. We said "Hi" to each other and as I was walking by she was stopping at St. Theresa. I went up stairs to the other bathroom only to find her standing by the bathroom.
Here's our conversation:
Me: Are you waiting for the restroom?
The woman: Yes, but I believe you are ahead of me. I seen you in the basement.
Me: No, that's OK I just need a drink of water. (then I notice a faucet outside of the bathroom) And I see there is water right here.
Woman: Do you have a cup?
Me: NO (not very prepared)
Woman: Wait- here you go (she hands me a collapsible cup from her purse)
Me: Thank you- I'm not used to taking a pill when I'm out and about.
Woman: Are you sick?
Me: I had surgery and I'm taking some Tylenol for pain.
Woman: What kind of surgery, I'm a doctor.
Me: A mastectomy
Woman: What? How old are you, you look like you are in you 20s? (love that comment especially after my feel sorry for myself morning)
Woman: Do you have cancer?
Woman: I'm a pathologist- which breast cancer do you have and what type of tumor?
Me: Invasive Ducal Carcinoma, Estrogen positive, Size 2in x 2in
Woman: Where did you have your surgery?
Me: Memorial in NY
Woman: Who is your oncologist?
Me: Still working on that
Woman: Well do you use deodorant? Stop using it. Get a good oncologist, ask your Doctor at Memorial to ask who is good here and also ask Breast Cancer Survivors who they like, Eat Fruits, Vegetables and Whole Grains, Pray, Meditate, and have 1 Bowel Movement a day(BM- funny she finishes on that note because BM are always on my mind).
Me: Thank you so much
Woman: I work in NYC but I have a home in Endicott. My name is XXXXXX and you can get in touch with me any time.
She gave me her address here and in NY. She was the sweetest lady.
OK- so that was interesting but then I was able to talk with her after mass. Turns out she has attended a couple of seminars my surgeon has given and she knows of her. We talked about food, meditating, oncologists, prayer, family and stress. She is the 2nd female doctor to ask me about my life as in was it a stressful life or was a "martyr" type. There are people who believe people who have a stressful life an don't take time for them self suffer physically. I must say when I lived in a home with a mean person I was not well. Anyways she said I did everything she herself would have done if faced with Breast Cancer and that I will be fine. She asked about children and I told her of Lucas and my new marriage. She asked if I was going to have a baby. I told her I wasn't sure. When leaving the last thing she said to me is "Who knows you may decide to have a baby in a couple years." That was funny to me because just last night Rob and I were talking about that because he felt bad for dragging his feet and now thinks maybe the chance is lost.
Now here's my favorite part of the story, we talked about prayer and saints. She began to tell me to pray to the saints and I told her I pray to St Theresa. She laughed and said, "me too", and I seen you in the basement. I told her yes I said my prayer to St. Theresa. Then she said to me "That's amazing because when I was down there today I thought her eyes were looking somewhere else today and that was when you were walking by." "She was watching you."
Friday, November 6, 2009
Some pics that make me smile lately
Card- from my girlfriend Leann
Picture taken a couple days before I heard the cancer.
Lucas taking pics of himself!
I love flowers!
I wish Rob would let me take pics of him :(
I wasn't feeling well today.
Yesterday I was able to get rid of my surgery bra. I now can wear a bra of my own- except one side has no under wire.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.
Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is required.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I also have the gift of family and friends. I have rec'd so many wonderful gifts from people. I never appreciated all the wonderful people in my life...thought I did but I am so happy to have so many wonderful people. I thank God for you every day.
What to get someone who is sick-
Check out some of these gifts:
A Week of meals from a near by food place we love!
A new Polar Fleece(with pink bow stitched in on) for a girl that live in a 19something fleece
PJS, metal water bottle, Soft Robe, Halloween treat pot
Light a pumpkin and leave it on her doorstep along with a Welcome home sign
Gift Card to Wegmens
All Natural Body wash with Candle
Awesome Floral arrangement from old time friends
Pedicure with a Chef Salad
Greek Salad hand delivered from PA
Beef Barley Soup
Homemade Chicken and Bisc
Holy Water from Turkey (where the blessed Mary lived after Jesus went to heaven)
St. Theresa Card
Beautiful Cards Some with money in them
Halloween cookie and a Scarecrow
Button up shirts
Good book- about women who cook
Pink Ribbon pins
People praying over me at healing mass
My Favorite Socks
Pictures from Nolie
Meal with Friends
Salmon from Red Lobster and food from Wegmans
Offers to help
Caring Canines visiting at the hospital
Calls to check on us
Tips on what to eat and not to eat
Book reservation for us- paying for our room
Help with Lucas
Books on Positive thinking
The sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick
Walks, walks and more walks
Talks, talks and more talks
Cancer Patience's sharing and helping me along the way
Medal of Pope John Paul
Rosary made of Roses from Castile
I love Us
I write this all down - not to brag but to Never forget all that has been given to us in such a hard time.
Rob has been wonderful. How he knows how to be so good to me? I guess good upbringing! Yesterday he made a bath and even put candles in the bathroom. It meant a lot to me because only once in a while I feel bad about not having my breast. That only lasts a second because I gave it up to live an get my life back. I'm so glad the tumor is gone. I'm glad God was there to watch and help my surgeons do a good job. Having Lucas there was a great help because it reminded me of giving birth. I was so scared to give birth but because I would end up with a new little life it wasn't half bad! So I just looked at getting my surgery as getting ready for a new life with Rob and Lucas at the end of the tunnel.
Lucas is so good about helping me as well. He is always offering to do things for me.
I have to get going. I have exercises to do and prayers. Oh and eat an apple. The med constipate me. Yeah. We all know my issue with that. Well I did finally poop. LOL I am drinking a glass of prune juice in the am and pm and eating an apple a day. I am also drinking at least 3 bottles of waters. I am also meditating 1x a day and praying 2x. This stuff has been helping me a lot. I haven't had an issue with my stomach.
Going to the city I notice how good some women smell and it makes me want to check out perfume. Then I read this article in Women's Health and thought it was cool. You can look up your old time scent and get an updated version:
Click on the pic to go to the article.
I'm getting excited about Fall and Sweaters! WH also had a cool article on Sweaters
A lot of the stuff was too much for most- but this scarf was cute and affordable!
Wow I'm tired now. I must go...little bit of pain now.