I had my pre-appointments and well.....it's quite the surgery. I love both my surgeons. Looks like I will be getting a sort of balloon inserted to where my breast tissue was and then it will be expanded to reach a breast size. I will go home with drains and won't be sleeping on my stomach any time too soon. :( Small price to pay. Will there be pain? AH yeah. Am I scared? Only sometimes but you see when you are fighting for your life back it doesn't seem so bad. I'm fighting for my life with my wonderful family.
Some day I hope I can help someone as much as the people I have met help me. I know I have a road ahead of me, but I want to make every one proud of me. I want to teach Lucas that in times of adversity we fight and put our trust in GOD.
I am feeling good today and have a to pick up a few things before we leave.
I thank God everyday for healing me. I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have my doctor find my tumor. I know in my heart that God had lead me to where I am. How lucky was I to have a beautiful wedding? How interesting I didn't get pregnant; that could have held off on my diagnosis. How strange or was it God working on my healing before I even knew I was sick. How strange I did have a huge breast pain, when they say breast cancer doesn't come with pain. Sometimes I cry because I think of what could have been- but then I thank God for everything he has given me. At times God does speak to me in the funniest ways. The other night I was trying to say my prayers and talking to God about trying to be more of a fighter. At the same time Lucas is yelling "mom" and I was almost mad because I was praying and then I was like - I get it- I have to fight for Lucas. Then I was like ~I hear you God.
Please pray for me on Thursday. I would like to have my lymph nodes clear, but what ever it is it has to be taken care of. I certainly don't want them missing any cancer cells. I have a good feeling about them. I have finally offered up all my worrying about them to God. Rob was so sweet last night. I was asking him if he's up to taking care of me with drains and all the other stuff. He told me not to ask and not to thank him. He keeps saying we will get through this and we will be able to help someone else one day. I am so lucky to have Rob. I don't know what I would do without him. One time he told me "We're going to get through this even if I have to pull you through"
I also had a little talk with Lucas. I felt like I had been so wrapped up in my decisions that I hadn't been there enough. I told him that even if I am busy with all this stuff and not feeling well I want him to know he can talk to me. It has been him and I for so long and we've been through so much I can't imagine him feeling like he couldn't come to me with anything. The above pictures are from him last meet. Seeing him run his heart out makes me want to fight even harder.
My parents- I can't say enough about all they do for me. Back and forth to the city, talking with me, making us dinner, taking us to lunch and dinner. Last night driving home from NY I was sad and then they get sad and nervous. I need to be stronger for their sake. I worry about them. I don't want to them to worry about me. My mother keeps telling me I'll be fine and my father keeps telling me he'll be my muscle.
My mother in law has been great with doing anything from looking for rooms, making us dinner, watching Lucas, watching Karl, looking stuff up on the Internet - like great questions. I was unable to go on the Internet and look stuff up because of fear so she did it for me.
My bro and sister in law. They are so thoughtful in keep up prayer for us. They are there in waiting to do whatever we need. From watching Lucas and or Karl, to words and jokes of encouragement to gifts. It's amazing to have siblings that would do whatever you ask to help.
ps. My mom and Becky gave me some great after surgery clothing and more. Also got some great cards I plan on reading over and over again. I'm so lucky.
If you want to say a prayer for me here is a surgery prayer:
"In the Name of Jesus, I pay for (Name), that the two-edged sword of the Holy Spirit sever anything that is not of You, and I thank You, and I praise You."
That's a great prayer for anyone going into surgery.
Well St. Theresa and I are off. Well and the whole family too.
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