Sunday, May 20, 2012

True Word Sunday

Well it's Sunday and I'm home sick with time to write.....WATCH

124.0- Friday morning weigh-in.
Yeah ......... Except I've been sick. Nasty cold.
My eating and exercise has been all goofed up thanks to this wonderful cold I have.  I can't wait to feel better.  I have a busy week ahead and I'd really like to get back to a routine.  I miss feeling well.  Today I stayed home while Lucas and Rob went to church and I felt horrible.  I was thinking back to when I was in treatment and staying home while they went to church.  I hate being alone and them going about without me.  I fear dying still.  I know it doesn't help when I follow blogs or know people fighting cancer that has come back, but there is no way to escape cancer; it is all around.  I can't let my fear keep me from others who I care about. 

We passed on the survivor dinner this year and I think Rob was relieved to not go to something cancer related.  Not sure how I feel.  I would like to celebrate surviving more- but I'm still scared at times.
I have 3 doctor appointments coming up- 1 will be with my surgeon and she will review my mamo, 1 will be with my oncologist and he will order my blood test to see how I'm doing that way, and 1 will be with my plastic surgeon and I don't know what the point of that appointment will be...follow up I guess.

It's been a couple of beautiful days and on Saturday morning I seen the most beautiful butterfly outside my front window.  I know it was from my grandmother.  I miss her so.  I wish she could have seen more of Lucas.  I loved spending time with her.  A grandmother's love is so very special.  I hope she had a good Mother's day in heaven.

I had a great Mother's day with my mom who I love so very much.  We were at mass together and then Rob and Lucas made us breakfast.  I have the best mother.  So many times I find myself so thankful for the mom I had/have.  I don't know how she did all she did.  I have a ways to go to be as good as her. 

Lucas gave me the most wonderful Mother's day gifts that he shopped all on his own.  More special than the gifts was the beautiful card he picked out for me.  I had to keep reading.  He added his own special note:  Thank you Mom-  You help me with sports and school and without you I don't know how I would do it.  I owe almost everything I do to you. 

How is it Lucas get's me a guardian angel when I need it?

His card made me cry.  He is so grateful and I am so blessed.  I want to always be there for him!  I could never make up for all his dad has not done for him, but I would die trying.  I believe Lucas will be a wonderful man in spite of his father's horrible example.  I don't like to speak too much of Lucas' father, but when I do it will be the truth.  Lucas deserves to always know who he is and where and what he has come from.  I never want Lucas to carry the guilt his father would gladly give him.  It's hard to speak the truth, but you are only here once so let the truth fly!!!  I pray his father will one day see the light.
And I thank God for the two amazing men who have helped me the most with raising a man-
My dad and Rob.

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