Sometimes when married someone says or does something that hurts. Sometimes you know they don't mean it, but you may be overly sensitive to some things and it hurts either way. So sometimes you say nothing and just hold the pain in and maybe even cry to yourself. What grows in you is pain and suffering and then sometimes anger. I recently had this happen. I am very sensitive about my new breast. It's not really part of the family yet. So at my doc appointments Rob has no problem telling the doc about things not looking right. I'm grateful because honestly I deserve to have the best, but I have no guts to voice that. I feel only gratitude that I am just here-Alive. Oh -I do cry about my disfigured parts, but I have no voice about it. Giving up that stuff was a SMALL price to pay for my life.
OK - so when Rob voices displeasure at my reconstruction it hurts me. I realize that it's not me he is talking about but still.
So I say nothing and the doc always looks at me like "Aw what do you expect you did have a breast removed, chemo and radiation?" I sort of look at the doc with a my half smile shrug my shoulders and mumble something like it's OK.
So then on the ride home and a couple days after I just think about being disfigured and what the heck would I ever tell someone if I wasn't married-How would I tell someone and god forbid someone just sees it? It's just plain hard to wrap your head around sometimes.
Well FINALLY I seen an opportunity to say something to Rob and in the kindest way he talks with me and comforts me and makes me feel so much better. Why didn't I just mention it sooner?
We shouldn't waste time mulling thoughts about people in our head we should just speak it in a kind and loving way.
It was such a small step, but it was HUGE for us (mostly me). I was so empowered by him talking with me that I actually started using my Replens ;). Through all of this I have lost some self esteem- but speaking up felt good and then his positive response boosted me up more.
Our spouses are sometimes the only person who can do that for us. We are soft and we need them to stand up for us. We are soft and we need them to be soft when we are hurt and confused.
So I was happy - he was happy and it was all good.
Had one of the best weekends ever!
;)
2 comments:
So so happy you had a great weekend.
You should always share your feelings to rob in a loving way.
That is something I always struggle with, you know how "brutal" I can be. I think it is hard for you but one thing I do know is that rob loves you. I still am in amaze as how well it was with and for you after ur first surgery. He was kind and tender, always remember that. I do admire the relationship you both have with each other. And also let him know he can always share his feelings openly with you. Its important for a great marriage. God bless you both. Your beautiful!!
What a nice happy ending. Rob just wants you to have nothing but the best. Glad you resolved things. And yes, I remember what a nice "nurse" you had after your surgery. You're lucky D. It's these things in life that make marriages all the more stronger.
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