Monday, September 24, 2012

I've been so busy and have been thinking about maybe taking down my blog.  I'm not sure, but sometimes I wonder if I should.

I didn't even get my Friday weigh-in up.  I have remained the 119.2 so that's nice!!  I have been feeling good, but mentally is a hard time of year for me.  Today is the day I sat in my car in the doctor office's parking lot crying because he found a lump in my breast.  From that day on cancer has been on mind and continues to scare me.  It has gotten a lot better and I'm so blessed to be happy and to have had a pretty easy experience with it.  Still as Fall settles in I feel uneasy and nervous.  I have gotten all my wigs together and decided it's time to give them away.  I'm scared that once I do something bad will happen- moving on is sometimes the hardest part for me.

That day I was crying in the parking lot I only thought of Lucas.  I couldn't imagine having to leave him.  Well I'm not going anytime soon- I think.  So this post is dedicated to my sweet boy.

I'm going to post a bibliography I did on Lucas.  Lucas' English teacher had given us parents a homework assignment and it was to be a bibliography on your child.  This teacher wanted another view of her students and it was my pleasure to gush over my boy.  I know it's sickening sweet- but hey I'm a mom that's what we do!

Here it is:

It was Friday the 13th, December 1996 and Lucas Raymond Tiberi was born. Lucas was born to Dan and Danielle Tiberi at Lourdes hospital in Binghamton, New York. Friday the 13th was never to be feared again. I was actually hoping he would be born on a Friday the 13th same as my dear grandmother, Lucas’ great grandmother.

Lucas was screaming from the time he came out till it seemed like the next day. He had the cutest little head with the blondest hair and bluest eyes. Dan and I were so shocked to hear our baby was a blonde being that both of us were brunettes. It was the happiest day of our lives. Lucas didn’t sleep much and ate about every 2 hours. One of the greatest memories of my life was when they would come into my hospital room in the middle of the night and bring me this cute little baby with the dewy face and wet eye lashes from crying. The nurses were more than happy to bring him to me as he had been crying and crying. Being alone with Lucas that first night was such a treat for me.

Right from the beginning it was clear Lucas wasn’t going to be a sleeper. There were many nights of little sleep and that didn’t mean he slept all day, oh no not Lucas he was so happy to be awake as much as possible. Lucas was very alert and so much fun to play with, his eyes would watch and he would try so hard to mimic your mouth and sounds. I used to tell him I loved him a lot and at one point he tried to start mimicking me. I have it on tape of him trying to mimic “I love you”. Lucas was about 9 months old. This story seems so unreal and hadn’t I had it on tape I would probably never mention it.

It was clear to me he was very alert and liked new things. Lucas had a way with insects and bugs and watching him wander around in a diaper searching out bugs, lizards or frogs was so much fun. Lucas loved being outside and the creek behind our house was one of his favorite things to do. Some days we would pack up some snacks and head to the creek for a little adventure.

As Lucas grew he became interested in sports and he was never afraid to try any sport. Lucas also liked to follow many sports and could carry on a conversation with just about anyone concerning that sport. Lucas is always curious and loves to learn everything he can about what ever it is that is interesting to him at the time. I can remember when he was getting into playing and watching football, he read and read and he would talk about players and would even know which college they attended.

When Lucas was 2 his father and I divorced and it wasn’t easy for Lucas, but he always remained a happy boy. There were tough moments, but he learned to be strong. My father and Lucas became “partners” as they used to call themselves and they would go on adventures of their own. Lucas cherishes his grandparents and just this summer he went to Europe with them and I was so proud of how he conducted himself. My parents adore him and he adores them as well.

Lucas was in 4th grade when he had taken a liking to a nun at our church. She was so sweet and she really liked Lucas as well. She was from Africa and actually had an orphanage there. That year Lucas raised money for sister to take back to her orphanage. He spoke about it at school for Make a Difference Day, sold bracelets, and wrote letters to raise money.

Being a mom and loving Lucas so much I never imagined I would find a man good enough for my Lucas; as in a Stepfather. Well I did meet a guy named Rob and he has as big a heart as Lucas and I. Lucas is always respectful of Rob. Sometimes their interests were different as in Lucas loves all sports and Rob loves racing and cars. This only made them closer; Lucas always wanted to learn about things and also enjoyed teaching Rob the things he knew.

Lucas has always amazed me through out his life. When I remarried Lucas had to change schools and I feared that adjustment. Lucas however sailed through like it was nothing. I will never forget his first dance at Chenango Forks; we watched as this new middle-schooler walked right into the dance all by himself.

Another time I was proud of Lucas was when he seen a boy in the lunch room sitting alone, he went and sat with him. This wasn’t a one time deal he kept going every lunch period and would sit with the boy. Eventually Lucas got the feeling the boy didn’t really much care for Lucas sitting with him so we talked about it and he realized sometimes people may want to be alone.

Lucas has a good intuition into what is right. I got cancer when Lucas was 12 and it was a hard year for the 3 of us. I had treatment and Lucas was there for me through all of it. He decided he wasn’t going to share what was going on with any friends so he really only had his family to help him through it. After it was all done Lucas got Rob and I together one day and he had my beloved robe I wore all the time during treatment and he declared it was time to burn it. I’m sure it was very hard to watch your mom go from a busy mom to a mom with no hair who spent most of her time in a robe. He probably needed a release and I believe he sensed we all did. It was the closing of something that I’m sure was hard for him. He helped me move on as well.

Lucas has a dog Maggie who he loves. He takes good care of her and she loves him too. I don’t know that there would ever be an animal Lucas wouldn’t love. We have saved or at least tried to save any little creature in need. If Lucas finds a frog or little creature he always treats it with respect and now even teaches his little cousins to do the same.

Lucas has a good head and a lot of common sense. He does wiring at our house and if anything has to be figured out or put together I can usually count on with him to help. I loved to watch him when he would wrestle because I could see he was using his head as much as he was using his strength. He was strong and determined when he wrestled.

I was also so proud of Lucas this year when he worked at our church bazaar. He helped me every day of the bazaar as we ran 2 different booths. I knew I could count on him. I can’t begin to tell you all the people who came up to me to tell me what a good boy he is. I would catch him having conversations with the old timers, making sure the lady working all day had a drink when needed, carrying heavy stuff when someone needed it, and just plain smiling the whole time he helped.

It’s hard to believe Lucas will be 16 in December. He has grown to be such a nice young man. He is strong, loves to learn, has faith, and wants to always be a stand up guy. I also think he is the most handsome boy in the world. I enjoy watching him learn and grow. I know he has faced some challenges, but he grew bigger from each and every one. I can’t wait to see more of what he will do and accomplish. I couldn’t have asked for anything more in a child. He makes a lot people happy.

This weekend I attended a funeral of an elderly woman and it was so nice to hear her granddaughter speak of her memories.  It came to me that it would be so nice if I continued with Luk's bibliography and eventually when I get old and ready to leave this planet I pass it on to someone I know might be able to read this at his funeral- at least even a portion of it.  I know all this death talk is really a bit much, but I'm learning to see the beauty in it.  I've been reading a lot of stories concerning death and dying and I'm finding it can be a beautiful experience.

The woman who passed had been in the hospital only a day or two and she told her daughter she was so tired, but she was afraid to go.  So the daughter held hand till the end.  If it was my mom I probably would say, "Well mom I wasn't exactly thrilled to leave the womb and come into this world, but how wonderful it has been~ now again you will go ahead of me to an even more beautiful place, but I will be here to hold your hand till you get there, and your mom takes your hand from me."    Sometimes the new beginnings seem so scary, but they turn out to be a beautiful gift.

Life is so amazing and taking time to slow up, pray and even read the bible can help us heal from our fears.  This past week of doing that assignment and attending a funeral really shows how things are woven together for reasons we may never know. 
And then I stumbled on this quote:
"There are some good things that God can only accomplish THROUGH battle."
Bo Stern

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