Sunday, September 9, 2012

A long over due post....

I think we need to share more beautiful things about people we love......
I love reading about other people's love......the last couple I read ended tears as the loved ones had passed.  I don't want to wait till then to tell some very special people how beautiful they are - and loved!

My wonderful husband

In life you sometimes end up where you didn't plan and you wonder what it is you are going to end up re-dreaming.  When I got married at 27 I imagined having a family.  Quickly it was clear to me I had to make an enormous decision not only for myself, but especially for my beautiful baby boy.  My new dream was to grow a strong independent man.  After a police officer told me the next time he comes to my house he was going to have to call social services, and my grandmother passing I realized I need to make a better life because life is too short.  After those two eye opening events I made some very difficult yet important decisions and I was able to get out of my dysfunctional home and start a new journey.  Being alone with a little one is never easy.  I longed to share my life with someone, but knew it was going to take some time.  I needed to heal as well as keep my son healthy and happy.  Many times I would go in my backyard and look up in the sky and wonder what my future husband was doing at that very moment.  I set the intention that I would work on myself to prepare for my future with someone special and my beautiful son.

Then one night I met a man that would change my life.  Robert Podrazil

We dated and dated and finally married and it was one of the best days of my life.  Our wedding was perfect to us.  I only wish my grandmother was there to meet Rob. 

I am so lucky to have found such an amazing husband.  Those days I stood in my backyard and dreamed of a future husband I knew nothing.  I may have thought I knew what I was hoping for, but I never would imagined loving someone the way I love my husband.  I used to always think of my life in terms of me and what I need to do.  Now I know there is no more me it's us.  I don't ever want to be without Rob.  I can't even begin to imagine a my life without him.  I want him with me always.  Summer is a time when we don't get to do much together because he is working so hard for us.  I miss him a lot this summer.  I can't wait for fall to come and his season to end so we can do stuff together again. 

Rob is so funny and he loves friends and family so much!  Rob always makes me laugh and hanging out together with him is the best of times.  I couldn't have chosen a better man for Lucas to look up to and learn from.  His love for Lucas is the ultimate gift to me.  When I was sick my biggest fear was dying and wondering what would happen to Rob and Lucas, because I knew they would be heartbroken to be split up in any way.

Rob is so strong and yet he has a huge heart.  He had to go through so much when I was sick and I don't know how I would have done it without him.  At first I felt alone when they told me, I went back to my survival mode of thinking- what am I going to do to get through this?  But then Rob was there and we were in a situation we never planned on and he stepped up.  The night he told me I was going to make even if he had to pull me through I believed him.  The cross he made me stayed with me all the time.  He always came home with stories from other survivors and prayers from friends and customers.  He stayed in touch with our pastor and made sure I got back on track when I felt so down.  My first chemo was on his birthday- what a birthday- I was going to change that appointment, but he insisted I keep it.  So we spent time together in the city before my appointment and it was the best time.

I will never forget the last time we were intimate before my body was never to be the same.  We said pretty much nothing and as much as I think we didn't feel it at first it was a beautiful bittersweet moment.  We were so in tune- no words were needed.

I'll never forget the car ride home from the city after getting the bad news about my lymph node- my dad and mom were there, dad was driving and Rob slid me a note saying "take a xanax"'s too bad I hadn't brought any.  Rob knew I was very upset- as he was too- but again he was thinking of me. 
After all the cancer stuff I was left very different.  This was a huge adjustment.  I felt like I went through the ringer and pretty much looked like that, but Rob said nothing too much.  It was Rob who literally took me by the hand and escorted me to the gym nightly to help me.  That wasn't easy either.....I'd weigh myself- I'd cry, I'd complain about the weights, the reps you name it.  He just kept up with it and even made me my first weight journal.  This fall I hope to used it a lot with Rob by my side.  He constantly encouraged me and pushed me when needed.  If I look good and healthy he's owed a lot of credit.  When he tells me I look good and I tell him thanks to him he always tells me I did it.

I'm so blessed to have him.  He has done so much for me and he has given up a lot too.  I know he continues to suffer some of the remnants of what cancer has taken from us.   I hope like me he knows it's us and not just him.  I will always be there for him. 

I know we are as one and I hope we leave this planet years and years from now at the exact same time- I just can't imagine our life apart ever.
He is the dream I never got to dream~ only live!

I love, love, love you ROBERT PODRAZIL!

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