Last CHEMO!!!!

Well it's all done- never want to do that again! BUT if I had to I would do it in a heartbeat.

My inspiration board through all this

So leading up to Chemo some things that went on:

My back pain was still bothering me after 3 weeks- went to my doc here and I went alone. Well when he ordered an x-ray- I freaked a little- to myself. Thank God for St. Theresa- I imagined her there holding my hand. I was then a mess until results. Rob sat and prayed with . The x-ray showed the tissue expander in place and my bones look OK. Relief. Was given muscle relaxers and he refilled my zanac for my upcoming surgery. Just in case. I may try and not use it.

Had a breakdown in the fitting room at Target. I went to get filters and seen something I wanted to try on. At one point I got a glance of my good boob in the mirror and started to miss having my breasts. I couldn't get dressed fast enough and get out of there. I wasn't of the best attitude at home and Rob straightened me out.

Last chemo was exciting and scary- because now do I sit and wait to see if I have a recurrence? I could see that happening. I just can't afford to do that. Plus I am still in treatment so I need to think about 1 step at a time.

Praying- has been more difficult lately. I just get so tired with trying to walk and get organized. When I don't pray I don't feel as good mentally. Also when I don't pray I feel like I'm so far from God and I can be a real baby when I don't get a sign that I'm ok.

BUT I did manage to pray for my dear uncle Guy and my friend M from Sloan. M hasn't had her chemo treatment in weeks and was maybe not going to be able to have it. I said a rosary for her this week and when I seen her yesterday she HAD HER CHEMO and was so happy! I will miss seeing M at chemo. She gave me a beautiful journal with bible quotes.

I finally replenished my Blessed Mother's vase this week - oh and Rob moved her.I went to mass Sunday and prayed to the Blessed Mother after mass as well as St. Theresa.

My Blessed Mother was given to me by my food friend Auroa. Remember that name.

My dear Leann- sent me the most beautiful package with 2 little satin bags- She sent me vintage earrings with a matching pin. A book mark of roses and two medallions- 1 of St. Francis and 1 of St. Theresa. Thank you Leann.

A lot of friends prayed for me my dear Liz Fin, Amy sent a great card, Barbara and Bettie checked on me. My friend Tammy checking on me. Marianne and Pat checked on me. Amber was strong with the check texts and as every treatment day sending that days "lucky text". Jen played phone tag with me. Caity and KathyB and friends sent messages checking on me. Lucas friends wonderful mom checked on us and kept us up to date. Uncle Guy and the whole family checked with me. Cousin Damian and Faith, and Missy they got in touch with me. JenJen form tatortotsandjello blog always sending prayers and love. JenJen and I have never met but she has been a great friend through all this. Annie at 5Peas sent me encouragement and good info! Becky kept in touch even through her troubles. Krista phoned in and her husband stopped by. Even little Mallory checked on me- I think? She called Lucas ;)

(Had to through that in to bug Krista) A newly diagnosed women offered help to Rob and I - amazing. Dean, Mary and Corey always supporting and helping us. Vicki my life saver is always there for me. Liz calling me and making me feel good.

For all my facebook friends praying and pulling for me. All the Breastcancer.org women.

Joe and Nicole always giving loving words and telling me they love me. My nephews and nieces who pray for me and make me cards and chocolate cover strawberries. My church group who prayed and kept me updated. My pastor and the Healing Mass at St. James for the healing they have done for me.

Rob's parents always there to help us. Pat constantly looking up info for us, the trip to the city and dinner and the phone calls and telling us they love us.

My dear parents- how sorry I am to have not been the strongest. There endless prayers, rosaries, dinners, clothing, taking care of Lucas. I can never repay you. The days I sat in the back seat of your car driving in the city I felt so bad that you had to take care of me at this time in your life. Thanks for the excited phone call after Chemo and the beautiful flowers waiting for me at home as well as my Pandora bracelet additions!

But most of all thanks for praying and pushing me to be better and giving me my religion.

Rob- I couldn't have done any of the appointments- treatment without. You are so precious to me. The days you hold me as I cry are priceless. The days you took my abuse- I'm sorry. You never turned me down to sit and pray and you actually encouraged me in times of darkness. I love you.

My Rob inspiration...a framed card he gave me

and a bride and groom given to me by Leann

My beautiful boy- he will never know how I would have never made it through everything without him in mind. I never want to leave him and I will fight for my life- I want to see his babies. He has made this journey with me and it has not been easy and I see it when he breaks down and cries for things to be normal again. It will not only be normal it will be better I promise. I know he prays for me and I love him more than my own life. Thank you my beautiful son I love you so much!

My Lucas inspiration: He loves me more than gravity- How cute!

The night before chemo I said my rosary asking for help from The Blessed Mother! Ask St. Theresa to once again help me to see the face of Christ in the people I meet.

So Rob and I went to the city alone- he's a good driver!

I always have to stop for a bathroom and so we got off in Jersey! It was a gas station with attendants. The kind of station that just has a booth type of building. We asked about a bathroom just for the heck of it. And they said they had one in that little building- what? So I go in and all I see is a door that looks like an office door- So I open it. Yeah it's an office. BUT here's the lay out:

To the left is a sink and toilet right in front of the toilet is a desk chair at a desk w/ a computer. In this little room was also a microwave and mini fridge. How weird- you could actually sit on the toilet and work on the computer....LOL

Ok - so as I'm doing my thing- and looking around for a hidden camera- What do I see- a rosary hanging up by the computer. HOW COOL. How many restrooms do think you could visit in Jersey and find a rosary? And that's the restroom we stopped at.

Well ever since I've been diagnosed I really enjoy looking at the sun and I love seeing birds. Birds make me feel so good- no idea why. My favorite birds are the ones that hang out on Dyer street entering NYC. They are always there. Birds and Jewels- Double nice!

Rob enjoys looking for models in the City:

I know the shades trick ;) When we go to the waiting room for my appointments- I've learned to sit by people I don't think are big talkers. I can't handle hearing too much bad news. So we picked a seat by another couple- see couples have each other to talk to and pretty much keep to them selves. So Rob had to leave me because we had a parking dilemma going on. Well don't you know the couple leaves and a woman sits right next to me in Rob's seat. I've seen her before when I was with my dad for a treatment- Dad talks to everyone. I don't know her story. She is skinny (very much not like me) she looks frail and I wanted nothing to do with talking to her. Nice- huh? Then I felt for her as she was on her phone talking to someone she loved, calling her dad to make arrangements for her children for the day, and talking to a friend who was suppose to be meeting her at the appointment. So being that even though I don't want to sit by talkers- I'm a talker. Plus did I just pray to see Christ in other people as in "get over yourself Danielle". I ask "How are you?" She says- "good" We talk about the doctors we are seeing- and in the process of the conversation I find out her cancer has spread to her brain. I think she had breast cancer when her daughter Auroa was 2- she is now 5 this time around with cancer. I was so mad/upset- I hate cancer! I ended up really feeling for this lady- why her? It's not fair! So then her friend arrived and she was off. The good news- She has cancer - it's spread to her brain and she still going! How funny her daughter's name is Aurao- not a name you hear everyday. I feel so bad for wanting nothing to do with her- that's a sin. I won't ever do that again- I pray.

I was nervous about this appointment because my oncologist was not going to be there and I had a female- sometimes I do better with male doctors. Anyways she comes in gives me the low down- I need to take iron again, will meet with my oncologist in 4weeks for Tamoxifen prescription, get a bone density test, and after radiation get a colonoscopy . And then she gave me a hug and sent me off to chemo. I love that she hugged me- it made me feel like a person. I wouldn't mind seeing her again when my guy is out.

Usually my chemo room has a view of another building- nothing too exciting as you can see.

Well this time the nurse told me I got a room with a great view! And it was a great view.

See that little white thing toward the middle of the picture between the two trees?

I had to take a picture! As I was taking it I noticed something way back- A Statue of The Blessed Mother! I know I was meant to have that room that day - Thank you Mary! I needed that.

During treatment I got to put on my 8th Chemo Bracelet! I LOVE it- It's my Pandora bracelet with the pink ribbon! Thank you so much Mallory, Kyle and Krista- I love you guys.

After treatment we walked over to FAO - it wasn't easy I was a little tired and I wore heels! I am determined to wear heels again!

So you know why we went there- I wanted a bear there. I feel in love with him the day before I started chemo. Well he was gone- some lucky kid is probably loving him right now. I did find this other guy who stole my heart. From these 2 pictures you can see me before chemo and after- it took a toll. It is so worth it! I still consider myself so lucky. These pictures however will help me to make my way back to a healthy happy person. It's inspiring to see. I do have to say this- there is a test you can take if you are estrogen positive and node negative- and if the score is to your liking you can skip chemo. Something to remember- that's why early detection is so important - this is why you shouldn't wait till you are 50 for your 1st mamo- don't do that.

Wow this picture is so not nice- motivational though~ I am so puffy :(

After FAO we walked some more and wanted dinner- we decided to take a chance and drive over to Little Italy for dinner at a place we like- Bonito 2. Well we got there and there was a parking spot right out front and the guy at the door told us we didn't need to bother with the meter- YEAH! Lucky for me I had a spare wig in the car because I had terrible hot flashes at the toy store and soaked my wig- GROSS. I had to actually go in the bathroom and wipe off my head and then put that wet wig back on - double gross. Anyway had a spare.

Dinner was good.

Notice the wig change ;) Tip: always carry a spare wig with you especially if you are going through chemopause!

After dinner we walked to find some dessert. We walked by an Italian shop my friend Auroa likes so I sent in just because it reminded me of the last time I was there with her. Well as I'm in there's a box of pictures- who's on top? A picture of St. Theresa- the only St. Theresa in the box I looked.

Thank you St. Theresa- I love you!

Last night I slept with my bear- maybe foolish but it made me feel good.

His name is MILES- because of all the miles we have travel through all this.

This post was extra long! I just wanted to document this very special thing- finishing Chemo!

Last but not least please pray for the moms fighting for their lives today.

Love

Danielle

ps- Chemo is DONE!!!