I can't accept it I just can't accept it

Some days are harder than others. Sometimes I can't believe I'm a cancer patient. I really just can't believe it. I hate it. It's so hard to see pictures of myself before all this because I will never live like that again. I'm afraid now. The old pictures of me I was clueless. I didn't really think about what time I had left. Now I worry about thinking too far ahead. It hurts so bad at times.


Now this isn't always and probably not most of the time, but it comes and goes. I wonder if and when I'll will ever not be a cancer patient. I don't think I usually feel sorry for myself. It's Lucas that makes me sad. The thought of leaving him and hurting him kills me.

But I am so blessed with my cancer. There are many moms out there having to face saying good bye to their children and that is every mom's greatest fear. I hate that young moms die.


I want to fight cancer, but at times I just want to get away from it.

Well this is a downer post.
I feel so bad for feeling so bad sometimes- but I did just read that you have to grieve, be sad, and let the feelings out.