Thursday, April 4, 2013

How I know I'm getting back to ME

I find it pretty funny all the comments I get concerning my license.

The other day I was in TJ Maxx and I wrote a check and the guy asked for my license.  I watched as the guy goes over to another woman - I assumed to question how to accept a check.  Then I see they call over another woman and now the 3 of them are looking at me.  I couldn't imagine what the problem was.  So then the guy comes over with the 2 other woman following and says, "I'm sorry I'm not going to be able to accept this check".  I asked why.  That's when one of the woman asked if I have any other form of picture id, because my license doesn't really look like me.  OK.

When I had cancer and lost my hair I constantly got comments like - wow you really changed your hair, gee you really went short, I really like your hair cut (which was actually a wig).....and so on.  It's funny how many people young, old, male or female would make comments.  I was saddled with a license of me with long blondish hair while going bald, wearing wigs, and growing out my hair.

Since that time my license had to be renewed and well that took place a little bit after I had completed all my treatment and my hair was well back past my ears.

Now I'm with a license I thought looked pretty good, but as I look at myself today I do notice it might - not like me.  Now I have people say to me- I like your dark or I love your hair long and I someone even said something awkward like you look really different- It's so funny.

As I look at my license I can see that I did lose a good amount of weight- I was up to 143 after treatment- I've lost about 23 pounds.  It seemed like I would never get to this point and I still get disappointed when I don't lose fast enough- but I've come a long way and sometimes I just have to celebrate that and take a break from trying to lose weight.  I don't know what my goal weight will be- it's tough for me now.  I have 1 real breast and 1 fake (my foob) so the more I lose the real one will get smaller, but my foob will remain the same.  Also when I lose weight at some point it will show in my collar bone area above my chest and any weight loss shown there will also increase visibility of the sunken in area I have in my chest where they took my entire breast.  I don't know what's in store for me and my body shape and size at this point- I'm just so very happy to be able to be physical and feel somewhat strong and in control of my body.  I miss my breast for sure, but I love my body every single inch of it.  Creating a new life with a new body has been a journey that continues to inspire me so that I can continue on..

But it's not all about the weight loss is it?

In the last 3 years I've gone through some major life changes and one of them being my appearance.  It has been extremely hard at times because even I didn't recognize myself, but thankful I was just hoping to survive so that stuff seemed so small compared to just plain wanting survive.  There were definitely times I just wanted to me again, but again I choose to concentrate on surviving not my looks.  Eventually surviving meant being healthy and after taking a treatment that actually takes your health way down; I had to start trying to build my health back up.  This meant eating better and exercising!  Thanks to my dad who had me up and walking right after my surgeries, my mom getting me into Pilates and drinking smoothies right along with me and my husband going to gym with me- it started- getting healthy.  And what comes from leading a healthier life?.....a longer life as well as a person who looks healthy and happy....and that the me I want to be!

This is me healthy happy!
 I have no idea what's in store for me and cancer, but no matter what I know I have the best chances being healthy and keeping my body strong.

My recent achievements in getting back to me is also due to the support of my girlfriends who agreed to also participate in getting healthier.  The support I get from my friends is a big help to me.  Not all friends are right there with you, but the ones who are are true gems.  To get healthy with my girlfriends who haven't had the sickness I've had is a special gift, because it also makes me feel more normal like them.  Yeah I know I'm normal, but I'm also different or so I thought.  As we have tried to help each other and I hear them complain about body parts or weight I realize we are all just girls with all the same issues.

We are all beautiful and healthy yet we are unhappy with our self at times and that's all normal.  We just have to concentrate on our beautiful health.  And we all want to be around a long time for our kids and their kids!

Oh and back to the license story- I happened to still have my old license- I know that is illegal, but I had it.  Then they agreed that it could be

This is how I know I'm finally getting back to ME!  


amy d said...

well said! you have fought long and hard to be healthy and you are doing a great job! When I become a full fledge veggie eater I will certainly credit you for the inspiration to take in healthy food and trying it.

Danielle said...

thanks Amy for being there!

Anonymous said...

Keep on working, great job!

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Carol P said...

You don't even realize what an inspiration you are to others.
You are the same GREAT person you
have always been.
And you teach me much.
I am greatful you are my daughter, and so proud.
I am so proud just to know you.
Keep up your great self!