Lucas and Me
I had my D&C and everything looked fine there- we just have to wait for additional test to come back, but like I said I'm pretty sure it's all OK. Yesterday I tried to get all my medical stuff in order because one of my goals this year is to take better care of myself. I want to declutter some things, organize somethings and really relax more. Maybe I should say quiet time or prayer/meditation time!!! The other night I wanted to take a bath and use one of my Lush products I've never used before called a bath bomb. Although our tub doesn't hold water I just laid there while it emptied- very slowly (thank goodness) and it felt so amazing. I'll post a picture of my bath bomb- I really loved it, but it was a bit of a waste as I couldn't soak it in. I'm gonna purchase a tub plug at an antique store...lol. No really- I think I see them at PriceChopper.
So as I was saying I'm getting more on top of my medical stuff like taking all my vitamin and minerals and knowing exactly how much I'm taking and of what. After my last couple of trips to Lourdes and being asked about these I really feel like a slacker in that area. I'm really happy to report to them that I don't take my other meds for depression or anxiety!!!
There are times that are definitely tough- I recently found out a cancer friend of mine that was diagnosis-ed after me at the young age of 33 is now 35 and it's back. The hardest part of this for me is thinking about her boy who is 14 years old. He asked her back in October if the cancer was all gone after one of her scans and she was happy to report to him that they didn't see any. Then in November it was back. What makes this even harder for me is that Lucas has never asked one question about my cancer until recently. We were at a drive-thru at McDonald's before Christmas time and he asked when my 5 years was up. I didn't even think he knew about the 5 year thing. Now I know he never asked me anything- but I know he probably does worry about it and I hate that about cancer. Do what you want to us, but please leave our kids alone- they don't deserve it! As a kid I didn't even know what cancer was! It's so unbelievably unfair. I don't know what made Lucas think about it- it could be something he heard in health class I don't know. I didn't know what to say- I never like to be too optimistic as to jinx myself, but I can't have him live under my cloud. NO one should - not even me. So I guess it's back to realizing none of us knows what's in store for us. A perfectly healthy person could lose there life walking across the street. I truly am like everyone else- only I know that I want to live a better life and enjoy every minute- and I want Lucas to as well. My friend doesn't know what to tell her boy and I'm not sure either- there's no good way to tell a boy such a thing- all there is to do is just mother him as long as physically possible- and then teach him to feel that love after you are gone....like when he feels the warm sun on his face or spots a little flower blowing in the wind or hears the birds early in the morning or when he does something he is really proud of.
Anyways hearing this news could really bring you down, but I made it through it. And it made me think about myself and Lucas and that he had asked me had been replaying and replaying in my mind so all of this is coming together for me and I see better now what I need to be doing. No one was going to tell me about this and I see why- but they needed some help from me and I was happy to help them. In the end helping someone helped me and Lucas. I love my Lucas so very much.
Back to my stuff- All this stuff going on got me to really think about Dr. Deng (integrated medicine) and I pulled out his sheets and reprinted them- organized all my supplements and am ready to roll. I also made an appointment with Dr. Deng to see if there is anything new out there I need to know about. I'll go to him in April.
I'm also going to get back on track with my gastro guy- I was suppose to do a culture- I never did so I'll be doing that as well.....and I waited so long they are punishing me by making me go to my primary doctor again. Around here some offices are so rude and treat you like crap it amazes me. Oh well. I believe he is a good doctor, but his office people are NOT so nice. And seeing I'll be back at my primary I guess I will start back up with my blood testing I never did concerning my Vit. D levels and anything else he thinks should be checked.
I didn't do that culture because I just felt so worn out from appointments that I was letting things slide because I was just plain fed up with being a patient. I don't want to have all these doctors and pills to take, but I want as much healthy time on this planet as possible to have TONS of FUN with my family!!! So I'll do what I'm suppose to - BUT I will not resign myself to the PATIENT mentality- if you have met someone like this you know what I mean. I love those people and I totally understand how they can resort to that out of immense fear- I feel it too sometimes, but I continue to keep fighting it.
And now onto fun stuff-
We went bowling for Rob's bday and it was so fun!!!
This is such a cool picture- I never seen behind the scenes before!
Do you see the guy sitting in one of those big red cylinder?
His one leg is out. So neat!
Here is my bath bomb- huge huh