GOD

I have to post this as it's one of those things I want to always remember.  I rely a lot on God to guide and support me, but that doesn't mean I'm constantly praying and not even everyday like I'd like to be.  No matter when I do need him he is there and sometimes it's so in my face it's scary and really unbelievable I'm sure to many.

Lately a few people I know with cancer have been struggling and I am trying really hard not to get into any more cancer stories and trying to not follow some so closely.  I will check for updates so that I can pray accordingly, but I'm just not as strong yet to deal with all of it.

Since being sick I get lows - I not sure when they will happen, but when they do they are hard.  The first person who gets it is Rob.  I may not say anything, but he'll know.....and eventually it will come to a head.  I just say everything I'm scared of or thinking about.  It just comes pouring out because on top of some everyday life issues I'm thinking about things like dying, cancer coming back in maybe my brain, other people getting cancer, how I will handle it if it does come back, how will I die, and I'm doing things like reading about cancer, touching myself trying to feel if cancer is growing where my latest ache or pain is.  And I'm also thinking about people I love and being scared for them as well.  It's horrible sometimes.

Well one day it was starting again- I had a pain somewhere and I was freaking out in my head. What really makes these times really difficult is having to do something important or rushing around trying to get things done.  I guess I just get totally stressed.  Everyday things can seem so hard.

So I'm in the car with Lucas and I'm trying really hard to listen to what he is saying and stop getting crazy in my head.  I could just feel I'm so on edge I may just snap at him-  my poor boy is just trying to tell me something about school work and I'm ready to totally explode.  I fought so hard not to snap at him- because like most kids he can be not so nice when he says things.  But that doesn't make it right to unload my crap.  I ordered a pizza and we had some time to wait so I asked him to go in Family Dollar with me; thinking that would really keep my mind from reeling.  I really didn't know what to do.  My first instinct when this happens is to call Rob and let it release from me- but after the last time I could see it was not fair to him either as he has worries too.  I couldn't think of anyone I felt comfortable talking to about it, but I wanted it gone out of my head.  So Lucas didn't want to go in the store with me and I was in no mood to try and beg him- I just didn't have it in me.  I went in myself....I stood there for a minute in the cleaning section and I said to myself "just keep it together, keep walking, don't cry, look for Brillo".  I then asked for God to help me- and I believe I said an Our Father.  So I continued to walk around almost crying when I got to the an aisle and there was a lady standing there with a shopping cart.  We looked at each other and although I wasn't my normal peppy self I said, "Hello" and she said it back to me.  I was still searching for Brillo and then this older woman says to me, "Do you read?"  And I thought it was weird, but she was a sweet lady so I told her I did.  I wasn't sure if she got a free book in the mail she was going to give me or maybe she couldn't read a label......but then it hit me.  I had an idea it was going to be religious and it was.  She pulled out her church's religious booklet and she said something about people are rushing, rushing these days and this article is very good.  The article was about Patience.  She then told me to keep the booklet which is how they promote their church..  But then she said to me, "Turn to scripture for help".  And she went to go on her merry way.  I was shocked- I know you may say that was a chance thing, but when was the last time someone came up to you right after you begged for help?  A person of Faith in God pushing religion shared something with you at Family Dollar?  I was touched, shocked and it felt so unreal to me.  I must have still been baffled because when I got in the car Lucas said to me, "What's wrong with you?"

The message I got was to patient- I can't keep thinking about things to come.  God will be there no matter what is to come and when it's bad I feel like I'm going crazy I can turn to scripture.  I need to learn to ride these waves of anxiety.  I was able to calm down after my episode in Family Dollar and I did it all myself..... no not really God was with me and listened to my plea.

Listening for an answer

 I was stressed about Lucas and his Confirmation retreat.  Lucky for me on the day of the retreat I met with my Doctor friend.  Lucas ended up calling me saying he wanted to leave retreat because all they did was sing and some other stuff he didn't feel comfortable with.  I wasn't sure what to do....so I decided to at least take a ride to the retreat location just to be closer to Lucas and thankfully the Doc decided she would go with me.  I just wanted to get there and see what I felt.  I know it sounds strange, but I honestly have been trying to trust more in my feelings and instincts and so far it has really helped me a lot.  I think part of being authentic is really listening to your heart and your God.  I prayed about this retreat and I waited and waited for a sign.  I was on the fence about sending Lucas, but I went along until something told me otherwise.  As we were waiting for the bus I seen a couple people who touched my heart; one was a local BU college student (female) and the other was Joe a man I've met before.  I spoke with the girl first and she was such a beautiful girl inside and out.  Joe spoke to me as always and I can tell by his kind eyes he is a good man.  As Joe was leaving he asked us to pray for him and I had a sense he meant it.  Rob did practically threaten everyone to watch over Lucas and if anything happens to him.........  So that too had me feeling a bit better.  If I didn't have Rob to lean on as well as quiet me down when needed things could have gone differently.

So anyway back to the story.  We drove to Sky Lake which is about a 30 minute drive and it was beautiful to spend time with my good friend.  As we got into the property there isn't much not to love with all the trees and fresh air.  This is a place I had checked out the day before as well- so I would know where it was when I had to pick-up Lucas.  As we wandered about and looked at the lake I decided he should stay and the she agreed.

In the end Lucas admitted that yes he was glad he stayed as he enjoyed mass and confession.  He really liked Sky Lake as well and wished they had gotten to do more outside.  It was too bad the organizer wasn't the best fit for Lucas and wasn't the most prepared, but at least Lucas enjoyed the important parts.

I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful around to support me with such stuff.  I feel so blessed.  It was such a blessing to have Doc with me as she was an angel of a friend.  I don't know many of my friends who would have the time to drive out to Sky Lake as I try and make up my mind, but she did.  As her and I decided to check out the Founder's Lodge we were sitting in the Lodge when it started to fill up.  A lady came to me and was handing me a book in which I said- Oh no that's OK.  Well she looked at me like I was strange so I said - Oh wait I mean yes- thank you.  Well it was book of hymns.  As we sat it was clear we were in a service.  The singing began and her and I just went along.  At one point I had to smile....here I had been waiting for a sign from God and now I'm standing in a Lodge singing hymns with the Doc-  I looked over at her singing right along with me and thought - GOD is so good....I asked for help and as hard as is it to just wait and be quiet to listen I did with the help of my family and friends and I got an answer.  Sometimes we get so caught up in a problem and it's super hard to keep our mouth shut or our mind from reeling, but we need to calm it down to hear.

This is the hymn I feel in love with~ It's so beautiful:
The service was I believe Methodist and was very nice-  I enjoyed it a lot.




Here are the words:

The Summons

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

I get by with a little help from my friends

This says it all!

Fix your eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen

What is seen is temporary

What is unseen is eternal

Thank you my dear friend

Well the holiday season is a great time of year, but that doesn't mean there aren't problems.  I was on a roll of keeping myself so busy that I almost forgot about cancer and my other problems.  They aren't major problems, but they do cause me stress and struggle.  So one thing I've learned is to ask for help and I'm blessed with some very special friends.  I spoke to B on the phone and she made me laugh and gave me positive vibes and emailed me a delicious salad recipe.

Spinach Salad with Strawberries

15 Min Prep. Portions-10

2 – 6 oz. pkg. Fresh Spinach

1 – Qt. Fresh Strawberries halved

1 – 2-1/4 oz. Pkg. Sliced Almonds

1 – 2 oz. Pkg. Slivered Almonds

Dressing:

1/2 C Sugar

1/4 C Cider Vinegar

1-1/2 teaspoon finely chopped onion

1/4 teasp Paprika

1/4 teasp. Worcestershire

1/2 C Vegetable oil

1 Tablsp. Poppy Seeds (Add last)
1 Tablsp. Sesame Seeds(Add last)　

Do ahead if you wish: Dressing

Combine sugar, vinegar, onion, paprika and Worcestershire sauce

in blender. Process 30 seconds. Add oil and blend in seeds with

spoon. This can be done and stored ahead of time.

Toast almonds under broiler until light brown.
Spinach: Remove stems and wash – pat dry.

Tear into bite sized pieces.

Combine spinach, strawberries and almonds in large bowl.

Cover and Chill. This can be done several hours before serving.

Just before serving pour dressing over salad.

I then called another friend I know loves scripture.  I asked her to say a little prayer for me and then if by chance a scripture comes to mind- pass it on to me.  Well she did just that and it was absolutely perfect.  She had no idea what my problem was as I just left a voice mail.  Well she came through for me.  The scripture she chose to hand write, spoke right to my heart.  The above picture is the note she sent me.  She also sent me many other typed scriptures, but I know the handwritten one was special for me.  I love my friends and family.

So that being said- I've been thinking/praying a lot.  I just need something to sooth me - to keep me going with a happy heart.  I feel like my light is dim at times.  It's a constant fight I think we all go through?  Well God speaks to me in many different ways.  I don't always listen to Christian Radio and I don't know that I've ever listen to Joel Osteen preach before, but I have recently.

Joel spoke of this bible story concerning a military leader- Joshua.  He had a plan to win the battle, but he instead went on his faith in God and went with God's plan.

Here is a portion:

Joshua worshiped Him and listened carefully to the battle plan.  He spoke as if the city of Jericho was already won.  This surely strengthened Joshua's faith.  He was being told the future before it even happened by God!

This was the plan:  For six days the army would circle the city once while the priests blew their ram's horns.  The priests with trumpets went first, then the priests which carried the Ark of the Covenant, then the army.  The only sound would be the sound of the horns; no one could speak a word. Then on the seventh day, they would circle the city seven times in the same manner, and then when Joshua gave the signal, they would shout with a great shout. Then the walls would fall flat...

I can relate my struggles to this story because:

1. God spoke to Joshua as if the battle was already won- positive thinking is so very important.

2. These incredibly holy people were asked not to speak to each other- see if one of these dear people  weak and spoke of it - it would have spread to others.  The people were stronger united in silence with God as their God and provider. 

Keeping our eye on God and going to him is really a way to grow and heal.

and so that's my preaching for today!!!

I'm working to get ready for Christmas, but I think I'm getting a cold so I'm eating my oranges, taking Airborne and drinking lemon water.  I'm also trying to be more organized and I have to say getting my clothes together before hand really helps.  I'm actually wearing stuff I haven't worn in a while.  I often get stuck wearing the same old same old- cuz it's easy.

This week I took my Stella and Dot jewelry and based my outfits around them and today ended up like this:

Here's my jewelry from my party

and here's what I choose to wear with them

I haven't wore this skirt in a LONG time.

Ok- and how cute is this gift?

I'm in love! 

This post was all over the place, but I really wanted to get the information on God out there; because as time passes my mind gets busy and well the story just isn't as good.  And I really want to remember my God stuff. 

So have a Coke and a Smile :)

wish I could have one of these

The Sun of God

So I had a very interesting Sunday morning last Sunday.  I haven't posted too much on God lately, but I have to share this.  At our church things have changed and at times change is hard and sometimes I feel a bit confused/lost.

Well when I was dealing with my cancer and treatment I had a lot of time to pray and I had some really happy moments- blessings.  I actually believe God was with me and signs would pop up every so often.  When I first found out I had cancer I would go to healing mass and I would see people who I know where in tune to God.......I thought to myself  "Why can't I see/feel what they see/feel?"  So I read the bible and scriptures I was given at mass and when I felt like I would never get IT, I called my pastor and he told me to stick with it-  so I did.

Eventually I felt peace within me REAL peace!  I became so in love with seeing the sun......now my cancer stuff all started around October so you wouldn't think of sunny days, but there were.  I remember a few times crying/praying in my car and then this bolt of sun would appear and I would feel great peace.  I knew it was God, but I never shared that with Rob.  Sometimes it's hard to share things like that because it's hard to believe unless you've felt it yourself.  So I kept it to myself.

Well Sunday morning Rob couldn't sleep so he got up and went to mass at 7:30 in the morning.  We had one of our coldest nights.  Rob came home and he told me something weird happened on his way home from church.  He was thinking about a story my father had told him about church and then the sun came beaming out and it was so bright he couldn't see anything and he thinks he felt something.  He thought it was God- speaking to him.  When he came to me with this story I was so happy.  We sat on our bed and I told him how that had happened to me a few times while driving in my car on days when I would drive with no radio just prayers and tears.  We then discussed what it maybe meant- what was God's message to us.

We came up with this:
God is always with us no matter hard our struggle becomes down here.          


Call to him and he will come.............

Wonderful Boy~ Wonderful Message

This story touched my heart - I haven't had a near death experience, but what he describes is very similar to a dream I had when I was sick.  The feeling of "God" is so hard to describe, but you don't want it to end.  I long for that feeling again.  I really wish I could describe it, but when he spoke of it I knew he felt it too.  It's just the most beautiful feeling ever!

He's such an inspiration:

Ben Breedlove, Teen Tells Heartbreaking Story Week Before Death

Walking Season/Awakening Season

YOU READY?

Well I finally started walking my 2 miles- I'm gonna try and walk everyday.

On my first walk I seen a lot of litter along the way and well I picked up a card- WHY?  No idea- but I got a laugh when I turned it over and it read

"Your Key to Happiness"

Monday I start a 6wk Kick my Butt in Gear Program consisting of:

I never updated about the 4Wk program I did, but I actually liked it and found that I was more accountable for myself when I did it.

I lost 3lbs in 4wks which isn't bad considering losing weight is hard for me- either because I'm 40 or my medication- who really knows I just know it's taking longer than it ever has.  I may blog more while doing this 6Wk program or I may not blog at all- it's hard to tell.  I just know it will be hard because I'm giving up/changing up a lot of eating habits I've grown to love.  And when I say grown- I mean in more than 1 way.  

Doing this is going to be very hard for me because in all honesty I'm scared- I'm scared that I will start to eat better and take better care and then I'll get sick again and it will prove I have NO control over my body.  I know it's not true I do have some control, but I'm not there yet.  I feel very betrayed by my body- I thought I was pretty good to my body.  Well - I KNOW I wasn't and I had plenty of room for improvement.  Now that I am High risk- I must take better care of my body.  And if I do get sick again I will hopefully be in good enough shape to get rid of it and take treatment again.  I don't even like to think of that, but it may be the only way I FINALLY get my butt in gear.  I see/read about people who need treatment, but their body just can't handle it and I really don't want that to be the case.  My body did pretty damn well considering all the crap that was done to it.  Prayer and probably the fact that I did take pretty good care helped.  I am so grateful for my fairly easy treatment.  I prayed so hard when I was sick and I still pray, but mostly for others.  I will definitely start praying for God's help - I need strength!  I need to follow God like I did when I was getting surgery, treatment and so on.  The thought of God being there to take my hands and guide me along is so important to me- I can't do it without him.  This little fact that I keep overlooking (God will lead) may be the one thing I was missing to actually move on with my life.         

ps- I'm also thinking maybe just maybe God left me that Happiness card on my walk!

God giving me little bits

Last Easter season I had A LOT of time for prayer and I felt so close to God.  This year has been so busy and I often feel bad because I haven't prayed as much as I would like.  I often wonder what God thinks and is it really bad to not pray as much.  Then I think about it and think about it and I almost don't even feel God and I get scared.  Well he is there and he does speak to me in ways I may have not noticed if I hadn't gotten so close to him.  The praying I did was intense and beautiful.  Recently helping at church I was talking with our priest and he explained how last Easter season he too was sick and was all caught up on all his prayers by the time Easter came.   I felt so much better- he too struggles at time with time!

So I often wonder

What does God want from me?

and

Am I doing what God wants?

Well the other day while talking with a friend about cancer and how much it sucked I said this: "We were saved for a reason and now we have to figure out what we need to do".  I'm not even sure why I shared this with her, but it just flowed out of me.  So then I got to thinking more about what it is I'm suppose to be doing.

So as it has happened to me in the past I got a piece of an answer.  When I went to church today I was talking with a friend who now has cancer in her life and she said this to me: "We wonder why these things happen to good people and it just may be to help someone else along"    

As soon as she said that I knew God is with me still and he will guide me if I just listen.   

I just noticed Lucas brought our Bible on vacation. What a kid.......and to think he at times fights me about religious education. :)

Honor Rally Geese Flyover

I had to post this video. I attended the 8/28Rally in which was very inspiring and based on Faith, Hope and Charity. At 10am when the rally was to begin and it was very quiet a beautiful formation of geese flew over right down the middle of the mall towards the Lincoln Memorial. Since being sick I have loved watching birds and this moment really touched me. Many took it as a message from above.

Update

Well so far radiation is going well.  I am pretty red/burned, but it seems like my implant is holding up well.  Crossing my fingers.  I am not receiving as much radiation to my skin as I had previous treatments so my skin should start to feel a bit better.  I was using Aquaphor and that worked well, but my mother purchased me some ,Miaderm and I love it.  The Miaderm is very soothing to me.  I used it only once a day for now, but after my fast treatment I will use it all the time.

The city is very hot and yesterday I crashed for the 1st time since being here.  I have not noticed much fatigue.  Yesterday could have been hard because I purchased a little mini sewing machine for $20 and ended up carrying it for a while.  My father has been with my for the past few days and it's been great just hanging out together.  I am excited to be done with treatment and able to move on.  I did try and purchase a bra and insert yesterday, but I was turned away from the breast center shop because they said it was too early and that I should not push myself.  I am still not even - and it does bug me.  I wanted to purchase a bra insert and stick-on nipple!  Yes they do sell those- how nice.

Staying in the city has left me with some great memories.........my 1st cockroach, the bum who scared the crap out of me and Leann, the people that ride the bus.  Living right next door to a gentleman's club and watching as the girls and bouncers walk to work.  The wonder people I have met in treatment.  The rude guy who made fun of my hair cut, the teller at the bank who after seeing my license told me NOT to cut my hair again.....lol.  I decided to give up on correcting everyone on my name so at the radiation office I go by the name everyone likes to call me MRS. PADRAZZLE.  I will miss Rob going to appointments with me and weighing ourselves and me wiping my arm pits before the doctor would come in......hOt Flashes...suck.

I am writing this from my plastic surgeon's office so I'm a little rushed- please forgive any errors.  I do a bad job even when I'm not rushed.  I'm hoping I have the balls to tell the doc I don't like my recon being so uneven.  I have realized that no matter what man can accomplish it will never be as beautiful as what God created.  It's amazing all the things we can do we really can't recreate such beauty.  My reduction looks good and it's nice having a smaller breast.....but it's still bigger that my implant.  I'll see what he says.  I am starting to feel like I can maybe loose some weight.....after not budging at all.  I have walked, walked and then walked some more everyday and nothing.  I have noticed my eating getting better and not craving as much bad stuff so things should be looking up.

So things are getting better EVEN the whole menopause CRAP.  I hate that breast cancer has taken so much fun girl stuff, but I'm learning to be happy inspite of it.  My mother gave me a great book and I will post the title later, but if you go on the No Surrender website you can see it there.  It has helped me A LOT.


     

We are survivors but WHO is HEALING us?

Here's a little healing story:

I have to write about the last "Thursday Night" healing mass I attended. I was lucky to go with mom who always goes, but also my friend Barbara was there. Barbara is a cancer survivor who has helped me a lot! I love Barbara and I could only hope to one day be as good a follower as her. Barbara is so free to praise the Lord and tell you that she loves you and I envy that. I on the other hand am more reserved. Barbara has attended charismatic masses and I have not. I just really haven't had the opportunity yet.

So anyways I hope I'm getting across what a special person Barb is. Knowing that Barb is praying for me I feel so happy. I could see in her face that she has been touched by God- it's that clear. Well years back Barb had cancer and it was a lot worse than mine and her good friend introduced her to Father G(the priest at Thursday's mass). Father G prayed over Barbara and continued to pray for her and in the end Barbara was free of cancer. It was a long hard road, but she persevered with prayer and every little ounce of strength and Father as well as others prayed for her.

So here we sat Barbara and I at mass with Father G. At one point Father for the 1st time since I've attended this mass starts to say that there is healing going on and then he mentions some things and he asks if anyone would like to claim them. So people would raise their hands and claim healings. At one point I believe one the 1st things he mentioned was the feet. I didn't think anything of it- but Barb nudged me and said "your feet". The last time Barb and I spoke on the phone I mentioned to her that one of the only things I had going on was nueropathy of my feet(my feet felt like they were asleep and some nights they hurt). During my 2 mile walks before I was finished with my 1st mile my feet would go numb. I think I mentioned about my feet before on one of my posts.

So after Barb said that I felt my feet and they still hurt...........and I didn't claim my feet because I'm sort of shy. To myself I thought maybe my feet were being healed and in bed I mentioned it to Rob. My mom during mass also thought of my feet too. Oh and let's not forget this is also the mass that a nun came up to me and said she was drawn to pray for me.

Well the next 2 mile walk I took I could go the whole mile and then some before my feet would go numb and then when they were going numb it wasn't that bad.

As of today I do not have neuropathy in my feet! Praise the Lord.

I only really thought about this because last night at the survivor dinner there was talk of the Lord and also talk of nueropathy. Some women never get rid of the nueropathy and then take medication for it. It made me realize how lucky I am. I almost think God has a sense of pride in his work and in getting that woman to sit at our table God reminded me YES DANIELLE I DID HEAL YOUR FEET.......NOW MAKE SURE YOU USE THEM!

Well I had to post this so I don't forget and also I felt the need to DISH out some more PROOF that PRAYER and the LORD are POWERFUL.

What a great day!

I had a great day going into to do some work today. Some paperwork came out pretty good!

I was so happy!

Then I went to one of my parent's stores and they were excited to show me the new PINK BUCKETS!!! For every PINK bucket sold KFC will donate .50 to Susan G Komen Foundation!

gee- i never wanted to put my picture bald on here- especially with no make-up

I was just so happy!

Please buy a bucket!

My beautiful brother entered my name- I LOVE MY BROTHER

There she is 1 in 8 Danielle Podrazil

HAD 2nd Opinion on Radiation....well she suggested more rads than the other doc. Well- I need to look at the benefit of radiation on my arm and compare it to the risk of getting lymphedema. Right now I'm thinking I just want radiation to my breast and NONE to my collar bone and arm. Gee it's so hard to make a decision- NOT to get something because I'm fighting to beat this. Also I'm scared to leave Sloan and having radiation there will be hard on my family. And I think what if I get cancer again and then we will have done all that and I don't really gain anything or die. It sucks. I only have thoughts of not making it when I'm on the pc and I read discussion boards and I come across something like this "Crap it's hospice for me" that was written by a mom 47! I hate this cancer. I need to be so thankful! We all need to be so thankful. That mom was gone in 2 months of that post.

Well onto something great- After that second opinion I was so confused and scared. I went to healing mass with mom and I prayed for some help with making a decision.

Like I said before my situation was a little rare- 1 node positive with micro cells. Well I searched and searched on my pc and I found a girl with 1 node positive with micro cells!!! How crazy is that. I was lucky enough to be able to send her a private message and she wrote me back!!! Guess what? Her dad is a radiation oncologist! Yes- how blessed am I? She confirmed what I thought- the risks of getting lymphedema were greater than the benefit of rads to my arm- because they took all the other nodes out and they were negative. She had 21 nodes- I had 14. She ended her message to me with BLESSINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Think there's not a GOD think again!

Well here are some things I'm loving

Carolyn Lynn Calter

Chanel temp. tats! How cute- I think Sarah Jessica P. wore these

I need one of these in my back yard

thanks MSN Style

NICE
thanks debutnewyorkblogspot

DREAMY Summer NIGHTS

OLD TIME Dressing

thanks MSN STYLE

Still working on my radiation set-up. It's good I know I will get radiation. Nothing else has changed with prognosis- this all part of an insurance policy and peace of mind for us. I had some skin involvement so we just want to make sure there is nothing left to cause problems.

Monday we are going to NY to meet with my plastic surgeon to discuss my implant. My surgeon wants my implant in before I start radiation so that surgery will probably move up to the end of May.

Last chemo APRIL 19th!!!!! Wait till you see my last bracelet from Kyle- Krista and the girls! Will I get my bear- stay tuned.LOL

Hey Krista - I got to see Kyle on his last visit here and we hugged! LOL you've got a great hubby. Love you guys.

Sometime after my last chemo and before my surgery I'm dreaming of meeting some girls out for frozen dacaries!!!! YUM

I want to be a girl again! You seen the picture- I could pass as an old man. The other day I didn't wear my wig and some guy said to Lucas and I "Hi- boys" Oh brother.

ANYONE IN?

LOVE YOU