April 19th

Lincoln Tunnel 

This day will be forever important as a few others.  This is the date I was scheduled to be done with chemo and I looked forward to it!  My good friend Barbara was the best to teach me how to count down to my last treatment....keeping my eye on the prize.

Some days it seems like a blur.  I do remember every morning when driving down our road good old 369 I would want to cry.  I didn't really like getting the treatment- but I knew I was really blessed and I certainly didn't want to cry to Rob yet one more time.  I may have once, but I hope not more than that.
By the time we hit the tunnel I was make-up ready!

So 1 year ago today I took my last chemo treatment.  Cheers to Chemo........I could only hope to never do that again.  BUT if I have to I would gladly do it again and again to just be with my family.  I love them all so very much on this day.  I couldn't have done it without them.      

Cheap Trick Tuesday

Do your own nails.  I LOVE getting my nails done, but it does adds up and sometimes (never actually) there is no time.

Here's a great article on taking care of your nails from Woman's Day

RIGHT HERE

Always split or peel Blame it on your lifestyle or aging (or both!).

Washing your hands a lot, applying nail polish remover often or using hand sanitizer with alcohol daily can zap moisture; it also happens naturally as you age.

“Gently rub cream over your nails and cuticles each day to keep nails hydrated,” says Dr. Daniel. Also, switch to an alcohol-free hand sanitizer. Try Herbalife Hand Sanitizer ($5.50; Herbalife.com) to help prevent nails from drying out.

Are stained yellow

Some causes: smoking (from the nicotine); fade creams with hydroquinone (which helps lighten the appearance of dark age spots); constantly wearing nail polish without a base coat (which can discolor the nail plate).

Visit SmokeFree.gov for tips on quitting smoking. If you use a hydroquinone cream, Dr. Daniel suggests wearing gloves to apply it. Always use a base coat before adding color and let nails breathe for at least a day between manicures.

Contain vertical ridges

There’s no scientific reason for the ridges that run from your cuticle to nail tip, says Dr. Daniel. What we do know, however, is that the ridges deepen with age, especially after 40, and they usually don’t indicate health issues.

Keep nails hydrated and fill in deep ridges. We love Essie’s Fill The Gap Ridge Smoothing Base Coat, which helps polish go on smoothly. ($10; EssieShop.com)

Have a beau’s line (a u-shaped horizontal ridge across the nail)

It may appear after you’ve been ill, taken certain drugs (as in chemotherapy), or had a baby or major surgery. These traumas to your body can cause hormonal changes that affect the growth of the nail plate.

As you recover, it will grow out or disappear. But to help cuticles and nails get back to normal, Dr. Daniel recommends applying a moisture-rich cream before bedtime; cover your hands with cotton gloves or socks.

My favorite nail polish would have to be Jessica because years ago that's what Toni used to use on my nails and they always looked great.

Here's the steps of doing your own manicure right from Jessica Nail's website RIGHT HERE

I really love this French Manicure

Here's some tips on doing your own French Manicure

CLICK on the PICTURE

This is where the Healing Begins

Rob's parents gave me a great pink album to put all my journey pictures in

I had a great time going to mom's the night after my last chemo. My close family came and it was good food and just plain sweet.

Connie brought muffins and bread. She even had them in the shapes of bees and dragonflies and the muffins even had little flowers on them. Connie always called and checked on me and drop off goodies.

A lot of little ones

Mom made what I asked - Eggplant Parmesan.......we also had red pepper slaw, salad and homemade chicken soup! Yum everything was so good.

My mom and dad had a local jeweler create the ring I had posted on my blog......I love this ring! Emil did a beautiful job! I wear this ring with honor for it will represent the healing of my life.

I LOVE IT!

The jewelers website can be found HERE

Emil's Jewelry Design

Lucas and Rob presented me with certificate:

Becky bought me a beautiful plant and they boys made me a bracelet.

Nolie made me a great picture- 2 actually. I know he puts his heart into his artwork.

The Pauline children also made me a expandable card with each of their art work. My godson drew a picture of me with a gun shooting a gross ball and it said- YOU MURDERED THAT CANCER. Natalie drew a sunshine and rainbow and under the rainbow was garden of carrots and radishes. How sweet. Ben did a huge amount of glitter.

Love those kids!

It was great fun

Last CHEMO!!!!

Well it's all done- never want to do that again! BUT if I had to I would do it in a heartbeat.

My inspiration board through all this

So leading up to Chemo some things that went on:

My back pain was still bothering me after 3 weeks- went to my doc here and I went alone. Well when he ordered an x-ray- I freaked a little- to myself. Thank God for St. Theresa- I imagined her there holding my hand. I was then a mess until results. Rob sat and prayed with . The x-ray showed the tissue expander in place and my bones look OK. Relief. Was given muscle relaxers and he refilled my zanac for my upcoming surgery. Just in case. I may try and not use it.

Had a breakdown in the fitting room at Target. I went to get filters and seen something I wanted to try on. At one point I got a glance of my good boob in the mirror and started to miss having my breasts. I couldn't get dressed fast enough and get out of there. I wasn't of the best attitude at home and Rob straightened me out.

Last chemo was exciting and scary- because now do I sit and wait to see if I have a recurrence? I could see that happening. I just can't afford to do that. Plus I am still in treatment so I need to think about 1 step at a time.

Praying- has been more difficult lately. I just get so tired with trying to walk and get organized. When I don't pray I don't feel as good mentally. Also when I don't pray I feel like I'm so far from God and I can be a real baby when I don't get a sign that I'm ok.

BUT I did manage to pray for my dear uncle Guy and my friend M from Sloan. M hasn't had her chemo treatment in weeks and was maybe not going to be able to have it. I said a rosary for her this week and when I seen her yesterday she HAD HER CHEMO and was so happy! I will miss seeing M at chemo. She gave me a beautiful journal with bible quotes.

I finally replenished my Blessed Mother's vase this week - oh and Rob moved her.I went to mass Sunday and prayed to the Blessed Mother after mass as well as St. Theresa.

My Blessed Mother was given to me by my food friend Auroa. Remember that name.

My dear Leann- sent me the most beautiful package with 2 little satin bags- She sent me vintage earrings with a matching pin. A book mark of roses and two medallions- 1 of St. Francis and 1 of St. Theresa. Thank you Leann.

A lot of friends prayed for me my dear Liz Fin, Amy sent a great card, Barbara and Bettie checked on me. My friend Tammy checking on me. Marianne and Pat checked on me. Amber was strong with the check texts and as every treatment day sending that days "lucky text". Jen played phone tag with me. Caity and KathyB and friends sent messages checking on me. Lucas friends wonderful mom checked on us and kept us up to date. Uncle Guy and the whole family checked with me. Cousin Damian and Faith, and Missy they got in touch with me. JenJen form tatortotsandjello blog always sending prayers and love. JenJen and I have never met but she has been a great friend through all this. Annie at 5Peas sent me encouragement and good info! Becky kept in touch even through her troubles. Krista phoned in and her husband stopped by. Even little Mallory checked on me- I think? She called Lucas ;)

(Had to through that in to bug Krista) A newly diagnosed women offered help to Rob and I - amazing. Dean, Mary and Corey always supporting and helping us. Vicki my life saver is always there for me. Liz calling me and making me feel good.

For all my facebook friends praying and pulling for me. All the Breastcancer.org women.

Joe and Nicole always giving loving words and telling me they love me. My nephews and nieces who pray for me and make me cards and chocolate cover strawberries. My church group who prayed and kept me updated. My pastor and the Healing Mass at St. James for the healing they have done for me.

Rob's parents always there to help us. Pat constantly looking up info for us, the trip to the city and dinner and the phone calls and telling us they love us.

My dear parents- how sorry I am to have not been the strongest. There endless prayers, rosaries, dinners, clothing, taking care of Lucas. I can never repay you. The days I sat in the back seat of your car driving in the city I felt so bad that you had to take care of me at this time in your life. Thanks for the excited phone call after Chemo and the beautiful flowers waiting for me at home as well as my Pandora bracelet additions!

But most of all thanks for praying and pushing me to be better and giving me my religion.

Rob- I couldn't have done any of the appointments- treatment without. You are so precious to me. The days you hold me as I cry are priceless. The days you took my abuse- I'm sorry. You never turned me down to sit and pray and you actually encouraged me in times of darkness. I love you.

My Rob inspiration...a framed card he gave me

and a bride and groom given to me by Leann

My beautiful boy- he will never know how I would have never made it through everything without him in mind. I never want to leave him and I will fight for my life- I want to see his babies. He has made this journey with me and it has not been easy and I see it when he breaks down and cries for things to be normal again. It will not only be normal it will be better I promise. I know he prays for me and I love him more than my own life. Thank you my beautiful son I love you so much!

My Lucas inspiration: He loves me more than gravity- How cute!

The night before chemo I said my rosary asking for help from The Blessed Mother! Ask St. Theresa to once again help me to see the face of Christ in the people I meet.

So Rob and I went to the city alone- he's a good driver!

I always have to stop for a bathroom and so we got off in Jersey! It was a gas station with attendants. The kind of station that just has a booth type of building. We asked about a bathroom just for the heck of it. And they said they had one in that little building- what? So I go in and all I see is a door that looks like an office door- So I open it. Yeah it's an office. BUT here's the lay out:

To the left is a sink and toilet right in front of the toilet is a desk chair at a desk w/ a computer. In this little room was also a microwave and mini fridge. How weird- you could actually sit on the toilet and work on the computer....LOL

Ok - so as I'm doing my thing- and looking around for a hidden camera- What do I see- a rosary hanging up by the computer. HOW COOL. How many restrooms do think you could visit in Jersey and find a rosary? And that's the restroom we stopped at.

Well ever since I've been diagnosed I really enjoy looking at the sun and I love seeing birds. Birds make me feel so good- no idea why. My favorite birds are the ones that hang out on Dyer street entering NYC. They are always there. Birds and Jewels- Double nice!

Rob enjoys looking for models in the City:

I know the shades trick ;) When we go to the waiting room for my appointments- I've learned to sit by people I don't think are big talkers. I can't handle hearing too much bad news. So we picked a seat by another couple- see couples have each other to talk to and pretty much keep to them selves. So Rob had to leave me because we had a parking dilemma going on. Well don't you know the couple leaves and a woman sits right next to me in Rob's seat. I've seen her before when I was with my dad for a treatment- Dad talks to everyone. I don't know her story. She is skinny (very much not like me) she looks frail and I wanted nothing to do with talking to her. Nice- huh? Then I felt for her as she was on her phone talking to someone she loved, calling her dad to make arrangements for her children for the day, and talking to a friend who was suppose to be meeting her at the appointment. So being that even though I don't want to sit by talkers- I'm a talker. Plus did I just pray to see Christ in other people as in "get over yourself Danielle". I ask "How are you?" She says- "good" We talk about the doctors we are seeing- and in the process of the conversation I find out her cancer has spread to her brain. I think she had breast cancer when her daughter Auroa was 2- she is now 5 this time around with cancer. I was so mad/upset- I hate cancer! I ended up really feeling for this lady- why her? It's not fair! So then her friend arrived and she was off. The good news- She has cancer - it's spread to her brain and she still going! How funny her daughter's name is Aurao- not a name you hear everyday. I feel so bad for wanting nothing to do with her- that's a sin. I won't ever do that again- I pray.

I was nervous about this appointment because my oncologist was not going to be there and I had a female- sometimes I do better with male doctors. Anyways she comes in gives me the low down- I need to take iron again, will meet with my oncologist in 4weeks for Tamoxifen prescription, get a bone density test, and after radiation get a colonoscopy . And then she gave me a hug and sent me off to chemo. I love that she hugged me- it made me feel like a person. I wouldn't mind seeing her again when my guy is out.

Usually my chemo room has a view of another building- nothing too exciting as you can see.

Well this time the nurse told me I got a room with a great view! And it was a great view.

See that little white thing toward the middle of the picture between the two trees?

I had to take a picture! As I was taking it I noticed something way back- A Statue of The Blessed Mother! I know I was meant to have that room that day - Thank you Mary! I needed that.

During treatment I got to put on my 8th Chemo Bracelet! I LOVE it- It's my Pandora bracelet with the pink ribbon! Thank you so much Mallory, Kyle and Krista- I love you guys.

After treatment we walked over to FAO - it wasn't easy I was a little tired and I wore heels! I am determined to wear heels again!

So you know why we went there- I wanted a bear there. I feel in love with him the day before I started chemo. Well he was gone- some lucky kid is probably loving him right now. I did find this other guy who stole my heart. From these 2 pictures you can see me before chemo and after- it took a toll. It is so worth it! I still consider myself so lucky. These pictures however will help me to make my way back to a healthy happy person. It's inspiring to see. I do have to say this- there is a test you can take if you are estrogen positive and node negative- and if the score is to your liking you can skip chemo. Something to remember- that's why early detection is so important - this is why you shouldn't wait till you are 50 for your 1st mamo- don't do that.

Wow this picture is so not nice- motivational though~ I am so puffy :(

After FAO we walked some more and wanted dinner- we decided to take a chance and drive over to Little Italy for dinner at a place we like- Bonito 2. Well we got there and there was a parking spot right out front and the guy at the door told us we didn't need to bother with the meter- YEAH! Lucky for me I had a spare wig in the car because I had terrible hot flashes at the toy store and soaked my wig- GROSS. I had to actually go in the bathroom and wipe off my head and then put that wet wig back on - double gross. Anyway had a spare.

Dinner was good.

Notice the wig change ;) Tip: always carry a spare wig with you especially if you are going through chemopause!

After dinner we walked to find some dessert. We walked by an Italian shop my friend Auroa likes so I sent in just because it reminded me of the last time I was there with her. Well as I'm in there's a box of pictures- who's on top? A picture of St. Theresa- the only St. Theresa in the box I looked.

Thank you St. Theresa- I love you!

Last night I slept with my bear- maybe foolish but it made me feel good.

His name is MILES- because of all the miles we have travel through all this.

This post was extra long! I just wanted to document this very special thing- finishing Chemo!

Last but not least please pray for the moms fighting for their lives today.

Love

Danielle

ps- Chemo is DONE!!!

Breast Implant, Breast Reduction, Radiation, Food, Exercise, ChemoPause and Rob's getting better looking!

I got some great advice from other cancer patients and one of the best tips I got was from Lucas' Aunt Liz- PAINT YOUR NAILS! I called Liz when I was bald and not having a good time of it. Liz is a very bubbly upbeat fun person. She suggested I get my nails done and through this whole thing- I kept my nails painted. I was lucky I didn't have any nail side effects- but if I did I wouldn't notice it as much being they were always painted. Plus painting my nails was a real girl thing to have when every thing else was falling away from me.

Well I am going for Last CHEMO Monday and now I will be focusing BIG time on me and my health. I feel my body has taken a blow and I am so lucky that my body handled everything so well. My body is wore out and just plain tired and slow moving. I breath heavy and my legs are week. My arms are heavy and my eyes water a lot.

So I need to start the uphill battle of nursing my body back to health and then shape. I need to definitely eat better and start exercising everyday. During treatment - I couldn't handle exercise or eating better- it was too hard for me and I didn't think it was fair to my body which was working so hard. Everyone is different though and some people exercise and eat good the whole time. In my heart I didn't feel it was fair to my body after not eating that well or exercising so much to put it through chemo and new eating and exercise.

I'm a little scared about being able to get back in shape as I have gone through CHEMO PAUSE- ovaries were shut down due to chemo and caused me to go into menopause. I may come out of it but, once I go on my pills to stop estrogen I will most likely have no more periods. So I'm wondering if this will make it harder for me to lose weight. BUT then I look at my mom who has gone through menopause and she's a bit over 100lbs!

Here we are St. Patrick's Day 2009

Here we are St. Patrick's Day 2010
I have a little work to do - but actually I still see me in there so I will get there!
Gee I think Rob got better looking over the past year ;)

LAST CHEMO APRIL 19th- can't stop thinking about-

Well I have a new surgery date- May 18th
Mammogram on my left breast- April 26th
Tissue Expander Fill- April 26
Pre-Surgery Consent and Testing April 26
Radiation Simulation- June 10th
Radiation to Start- June 14th or June 21

There's a lot going on- and I just want to be SUPER happy for my last chemo!!!
Last Chemo is a big deal- because I am really ready to be done with IV and crap following having those toxins in my system.

I really need to eat better and exercise a lot more. I am hoping that in the 4 weeks before my surgery I can exercise every day and eat better. I am planning on water aerobics 3 days a week and reg aerobics 2 days. I am planning on walking everyday 2 miles. I hope and actually must do this!!!! The 2 mile walk kills me- I love it but I hate the time I spend walking because I think of other things I could be doing. So I think I've come up with some ideas- Listen to a book- the book will have to be motivational or health info. OR I can say my rosary while walking.
Food- I need to just have 2 breakfasts menus- 2-3 lunch menus, and 5 dinner ideas. They have to be easy and organic.
I will do this type of eating until I understand what I really need to eat and get better at fitting in all I need to stay cancer-free

What I learned in my reading is that supplements are not nearly as good as getting them from our food. I was a big supplement taker an now I will only get my vitamins and minerals from food. I will continue take my vitamin D till I do more research- on testing my level of D and how to increase it. Vitamin D is very important for women and we usually lack it. Also need to research the Vitamin B - type and amount.

I want to eat the NEW Food Groups:
Grains
Legumes
Vegetables
Fruit

I'm still reading The China Study and Breaking the Food Seduction- the following clip is from the author of Food Seduction- (it's long)

I'm really setting high expectations- I am the personality type that needs to do something every day or I don't do it. The problem I will run into is burning out. I need to learn to be easier on myself when I miss a day or eat a piece a chocolate- the important thing is that I do as much of this healthy lifestyle I can.

I have been vegan once before in my life and I hope to do it again. It will be hard but now it's a matter of fighting cancer. I need to make my body a place where cancer cells don't feel welcomed.

Here's a great simple snack- instead of just a plain old apple:

Treatment 7 Done- Only 1 more!

I'm so excited that #7 is done! My dear dad took me to treatment today and this was the first time I got home when it was still light out. I loved spending time with my dad- He is great!

It was a great day. I did get to see my friend M there. I'm going to miss see her every time. She is great. We talked a lot about changing our lifestyles - like exercise and eating. It's very scary and we wonder how we are going to do it. It's hard enough working and preparing without trying to figure what foods should always buy organic and which you don't have to. Now I have to work on healthy recipes. I have started a note book for myself but I still am confused as to the best way to set it up. Also I don't want to over do it and fail. I need to start with like 2 meals a week and 1 soup. And a veggie and fruit every day.

I'm still confused on the water thing. I now don't want to use plastic water bottle unless I'm desperate. What's with the water cartons I've been seeing on TV?

Then there are times I hear of someone doing everything right and still have cancer come back...Well the eating good will only make me healthier for sickness that may come my way. Let's face I am going to have to get something that kills me and gets me into heaven.LOL

I just want to sort of look healthy.

I have been walking more- but you'd never know it. I may have to look into a book on menopause.

Some of my cancer friends had scares these past couple of weeks and they are all ok. My dear friend lost her mom and I will be praying for her. She had helped me a lot and still does.

I have some back and rib pain that I am not enjoying. I'm going to give it sometime before I freak out and insist I need a scan or something. I remember hurting myself in our closet so I hope it is from that.

Today is my 5th Treatment (not really)

Gee I never did post this on the day of my 5th treatment so I added a bit to it and I'm posting it now.

I'm a little nervous about this treatment because it is a different chemo drug than I have been having. It is called Taxol and it will take 3 hour to administer it. I'm not the best one for taking my chemo nicely, I tend to get a little nauseous when it 1st goes in. You hear of chemo being called a poison and it sticks with you.

BUT............I did get a CD by Bernie S. Siegel called Getting Ready. It is to prepare you for surgery, radiation and chemotherapy and it is EXCELLENT! He talks about chemo, surgery and all that as a form of rebirth. He relates the chemo process to labor and delivery and that really seems to help me. Labor was so worth it and now chemo will be too. There is no doubt that I will have to go through some sort of rebirth. I must not fight it anymore I just have to do it.

My mom is going to go with Rob and I this time.

Right now every time I go for treatment I get to see my friend M. M and I shared a hospital room and have become friends. She now has treatments on Monday too so it's really nice. She is stronger and sweeter than me. She's been through more than me and she's always so sweet and smiling. I need to be more like that.

I have received some great cards and gifts this past week. They were so special this week because I had my worse week. When I get back from treatment it's hard at my house. I'm the biggest problem.........I'm mad/I'm sad/depressed. I get in such a hole. So when I received cards from Barbara, Donna and Mary I was so happy. I also rec'd a call from Elsie. Leann and Amber are always checking on me as well as my cousin Faith.

My mom helped out big time.........with groceries and cooking meals and driving, driving and more driving THANK GOD FOR MY MOM! I mean she even went to water aerobics when I asked her and she #1. can't swim and #2. isn't big on water. LOL

Rob's mom made us a huge pot of yummy soup and brought me flowers.

Our friend's daughter made me chemo bracelets. I get to put new bracelet on every time I get a chemo treatment so I'm up to 5 bracelets after today. How sweet is this little girl, she originally offered to cut her hair for me. I'm crying over being bald and here this little 8yr old (at the time) offered to cut her hair off for me to wear!!! What a woman she is going to grow up to be.

I love everyone who prays and supports us! Thanks everyone who takes our calls for help.

One important note.............I had an itch on my right lump/site of future breast!!! How weird is that? It was sort of to the side. I also then had an itch under my skin which was just plain different. It reminded me of the 1st time I felt Lucas move inside me. I haven't had much feeling there so it really freaked me out. It seems to be healing pretty good.

Ok more important things.............It's now Wednesday more than a week from when I originally typed out the above post. My treatment went well, but I still struggle with fear and just plain sick of being sick and tired. I received in the mail from a wonderful woman I met an article on Jewels and LOVED IT! Someday I'll do a whole post on Betty a great woman I met!

My wonderful Aunt and Uncle sent me the most beautiful card that totally said what I hadn't been feeling. Plus they also sent me a St. Theresa Chaplet- how amazing it was to receive a sign from St. Theresa. I love my Aunt and Uncle very much and pray my Uncle will soon get the heart he is waiting for. My uncle is one of the strongest people I know. To talk to my uncle is so comforting because he is so strong and I truly believe he has an in with someone upstairs.

Love this card:

Breast Cancer tip- the aspirin a day is actually really good for fighting breast cancer- Google it or go to BreastCancer.org!

and I really enjoy this Doctor's website: Dr. Christine Horner

Christine vowed to go after her mother's killer- Breast cancer. Her website is very informative.

At least Read her 30TIPS HERE

Always remember they are finding out new things everyday and in her tips she mentions soy.......which I'm not sure it really good for certain breast cancers

Last but not least some pics from the last time Lucas and I turned up the music and fooled around during homework.........................