Lucas Raymond

  Today is my Baby's Birthday!!

I'm so very proud of my 17 year old!  He has worked hard in school, played sports, made friends, participated in church, helped people and gave his family so much love.  I know he will do more great things in years to come.

I love him so very much.  I could never do for him what he has done for me....but I'll keep trying! 



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To Build a Home

yeah we are pulling our hair out......

Building your own home during your husband's busy time is hard
Building your own home when you never it did before is hard
Building your own home when you have a wife that can't make a decision is hard
Building your own home when things aren't cheap is hard
Building your own home is just a lot of hard work

And it's not like we are physically building it with our own two hands!  Well actually that sounds somewhat appealing and easier at this point.

SO~ there is movement and history is already being made on that little peice of land we will call HOME!

 There's my daddy~ helping us out as always!

So we've had our first good news announcement at the homestead!

Lucas tells Dadone he's passed his driver's test!!!  Yahoo!!!

Oh these two.  I can remember when Lucas was so tiny and would call my dad his partner.  :)  I love these two and I'm so glad I got this memory with my phone!

So the update on where we're at.  We have our builder who we love.  My father has helped us fill in the old pond behind our land and is moving dirt around for us.  Rob is sketching out/investigating where a pond can go, figuring out the foundation stuff and maybe going to be ordering our framing package.  We almost settled on who we will have do our foundation.  Once we break ground for the foundation we might stop pulling our hair out.

And other news- I finally know the kitchen style I want and I'm so relieved and scared- I hope it can happen!  I have some great hopes for my kitchen because let's face it I love to EAT!

Also I'm in love with the concrete floor at JCPenney - now our JCP has this floor

Not bad - I even like it like this- but it needs it's gloss.  Well while in Hershey I went to JCP there and here is what I floor should look like at our store eventually.

Beautiful to me!!!!  I hope we can eventually do something like this in our basement!!!

I really loved these stops in random areas- but Rob told me those are flaws- Oh well.

Back to JCP- I'm loving our store.  The people there are SO nice and who ever does the merchandising is wonderful as well.  The Hershey store could learn a thing or two as our store is just so well set-up!!  Not to mention their dress selection was no where near what ours is.  I love our store.

Here's a couple of things that caught my eye (JCPenney in JC)
I love how they set up the kitchen area...... I wish they would do some demos there!

How about these cutting boards?

Jars- I'm always on the look out for jars!

 And I feel in love with this lamp- the tall black one.

 I also like this one as well

They really have some really nice stuff

Listening for an answer

 I was stressed about Lucas and his Confirmation retreat.  Lucky for me on the day of the retreat I met with my Doctor friend.  Lucas ended up calling me saying he wanted to leave retreat because all they did was sing and some other stuff he didn't feel comfortable with.  I wasn't sure what to do....so I decided to at least take a ride to the retreat location just to be closer to Lucas and thankfully the Doc decided she would go with me.  I just wanted to get there and see what I felt.  I know it sounds strange, but I honestly have been trying to trust more in my feelings and instincts and so far it has really helped me a lot.  I think part of being authentic is really listening to your heart and your God.  I prayed about this retreat and I waited and waited for a sign.  I was on the fence about sending Lucas, but I went along until something told me otherwise.  As we were waiting for the bus I seen a couple people who touched my heart; one was a local BU college student (female) and the other was Joe a man I've met before.  I spoke with the girl first and she was such a beautiful girl inside and out.  Joe spoke to me as always and I can tell by his kind eyes he is a good man.  As Joe was leaving he asked us to pray for him and I had a sense he meant it.  Rob did practically threaten everyone to watch over Lucas and if anything happens to him.........  So that too had me feeling a bit better.  If I didn't have Rob to lean on as well as quiet me down when needed things could have gone differently.

So anyway back to the story.  We drove to Sky Lake which is about a 30 minute drive and it was beautiful to spend time with my good friend.  As we got into the property there isn't much not to love with all the trees and fresh air.  This is a place I had checked out the day before as well- so I would know where it was when I had to pick-up Lucas.  As we wandered about and looked at the lake I decided he should stay and the she agreed.

In the end Lucas admitted that yes he was glad he stayed as he enjoyed mass and confession.  He really liked Sky Lake as well and wished they had gotten to do more outside.  It was too bad the organizer wasn't the best fit for Lucas and wasn't the most prepared, but at least Lucas enjoyed the important parts.

I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful around to support me with such stuff.  I feel so blessed.  It was such a blessing to have Doc with me as she was an angel of a friend.  I don't know many of my friends who would have the time to drive out to Sky Lake as I try and make up my mind, but she did.  As her and I decided to check out the Founder's Lodge we were sitting in the Lodge when it started to fill up.  A lady came to me and was handing me a book in which I said- Oh no that's OK.  Well she looked at me like I was strange so I said - Oh wait I mean yes- thank you.  Well it was book of hymns.  As we sat it was clear we were in a service.  The singing began and her and I just went along.  At one point I had to smile....here I had been waiting for a sign from God and now I'm standing in a Lodge singing hymns with the Doc-  I looked over at her singing right along with me and thought - GOD is so good....I asked for help and as hard as is it to just wait and be quiet to listen I did with the help of my family and friends and I got an answer.  Sometimes we get so caught up in a problem and it's super hard to keep our mouth shut or our mind from reeling, but we need to calm it down to hear.

This is the hymn I feel in love with~ It's so beautiful:
The service was I believe Methodist and was very nice-  I enjoyed it a lot.




Here are the words:

The Summons

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name?
Will you set the prisoners free and never be the same?
Will you kiss the leper clean and do such as this unseen,
and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord your summons echoes true when you but call my name.
Let me turn and follow you and never be the same.
In Your company I'll go where Your love and footsteps show.
Thus I'll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

He never asked until

Lucas and Me

 I'm working with some girlfriends on working out and losing some extra weight gain and it's taking a lot of time- just trying to fit in exercise, food shopping, food prepping and everyday life stuff.

I had my D&C and everything looked fine there- we just have to wait for additional test to come back, but like I said I'm pretty sure it's all OK.  Yesterday I tried to get all my medical stuff in order because one of my goals this year is to take better care of myself.  I want to declutter some things, organize somethings and really relax more.  Maybe I should say quiet time or prayer/meditation time!!!  The other night I wanted to take a bath and use one of my Lush products I've never used before called a bath bomb.  Although our tub doesn't hold water I just laid there while it emptied- very slowly (thank goodness) and it felt so amazing.  I'll post a picture of my bath bomb- I really loved it, but it was a bit of a waste as I couldn't soak it in.  I'm gonna purchase a tub plug at an antique store...lol.  No really-   I think I see them at PriceChopper.

So as I was saying I'm getting more on top of my medical stuff like taking all my vitamin and minerals and knowing exactly how much I'm taking and of what.  After my last couple of trips to Lourdes and being asked about these I really feel like a slacker in that area.  I'm really happy to report to them that I don't take my other meds for depression or anxiety!!!

There are times that are definitely tough- I recently found out a cancer friend of mine that was diagnosis-ed after me at the young age of 33 is now 35 and it's back.  The hardest part of this for me is thinking about her boy who is 14 years old.  He asked her back in October if the cancer was all gone after one of her scans and she was happy to report to him that they didn't see any.  Then in November it was back.  What makes this even harder for me is that Lucas has never asked one question about my cancer until recently.  We were at a drive-thru at McDonald's before Christmas time and he asked when my 5 years was up.  I didn't even think he knew about the 5 year thing.  Now I know he never asked me anything- but I know he probably does worry about it and I hate that about cancer.  Do what you want to us, but please leave our kids alone- they don't deserve it!  As a kid I didn't even know what cancer was!  It's so unbelievably unfair.  I don't know what made Lucas think about it- it could be something he heard in health class I don't know.  I didn't know what to say- I never like to be too optimistic as to jinx myself, but I can't have him live under my cloud.  NO one should - not even me.  So I guess it's back to realizing none of us knows what's in store for us.  A perfectly healthy person could lose there life walking across the street.  I truly am like everyone else- only I know that I want to live a better life and enjoy every minute- and I want Lucas to as well.  My friend doesn't know what to tell her boy and I'm not sure either- there's no good way to tell a boy such a thing- all there is to do is just mother him as long as physically possible- and then teach him to feel that love after you are gone....like when he feels the warm sun on his face or spots a little flower blowing in the wind or hears the birds early in the morning or when he does something he is really proud of.

Anyways hearing this news could really bring you down, but I made it through it.  And it made me think about myself and Lucas and that he had asked me had been replaying and replaying in my mind so all of this is coming together for me and I see better now what I need to be doing.  No one was going to tell me about this and I see why- but they needed some help from me and I was happy to help them.  In the end helping someone helped me and Lucas.  I love my Lucas so very much.

Back to my stuff- All this stuff going on got me to really think about Dr. Deng (integrated medicine)  and I pulled out his sheets and reprinted them- organized all my supplements and am ready to roll.  I also made an appointment with Dr. Deng to see if there is anything new out there I need to know about.  I'll go to him in April.

I'm also going to get back on track with my gastro guy- I was suppose to do a culture- I never did so I'll be doing that as well.....and I waited so long they are punishing me by making me go to my primary doctor again.  Around here some offices are so rude and treat you like crap it amazes me.  Oh well.  I believe he is a good doctor, but his office people are NOT so nice.  And seeing I'll be back at my primary I guess I will start back up with my blood testing I never did concerning my Vit. D levels and anything else he thinks should be checked.

I didn't do that culture because I just felt so worn out from appointments that I was letting things slide because I was just plain fed up with being a patient.  I don't want to have all these doctors and pills to take, but I want as much healthy time on this planet as possible to have TONS of FUN with my family!!!  So I'll do what I'm suppose to - BUT I will not resign myself to the PATIENT mentality- if you have met someone like this you know what I mean.  I love those people and I totally understand how they can resort to that out of immense fear- I feel it too sometimes, but I continue to keep fighting it.

And now onto fun stuff-

We went bowling for Rob's bday and it was so fun!!!

This is such a cool picture- I never seen behind the scenes before!  

Do you see the guy sitting in one of those big red cylinder?

His one leg is out.  So neat!

Here is my bath bomb- huge huh

Life moving on.....late posting

These legs better get their job done on Turkey day!!!

 

I better get rid of at least a couple of pounds - it's only fair if I expect these legs to carry me around.

Well I'm a little late getting this out- but it's been a little busy.  I'm trying really hard to get more organized so that Christmas won't be too stressful and more enjoyable!

We are also starting to get moving with our piece of land.

This is where our house will go

Even Maggie got up to the land...

It's very exciting and a little scary all at the same time! 

I absolutely love our family pictures we had taken by Annie Sullivan Photography.

It was fun and Annie made it a sucess- she even got Lucas to laugh!

To see a picture where the 3 of us are laughing is really priceless- I cried

So my weight was up- but since I've started back up with my FitnessPal I know why- I LOVE to eat.  I eat a lot of stuff all day long.  I love to eat.....so I need to pull it back a bit.

As time gets closer for the Turkey Trot I'm getting more nervous.  I just can't imagine running along people- I do a lot of self talk pushing myself, so I hope I can handle it.  I'm not a runner runner so I wonder how I will do.....I'm just plain scared.  So glad my friend Amy will be there too.

Wondering how I'm so stylish and obbessed with fashion????

My mom is to blame

Look at that little girl in the red tights and apple dress.....stylin

Good thing my dad wasn't dressing me

My friend Leslie

and little joe

 Dancing and my Queen mom!

Sr. Agnes, Bishop Costello, mom and I

When I was 11 us Catholic schools kids were asked to right a commercial for Catholic Schools Week

It was a contest and I won 1st place and that was the commercial for that year.

Italy with Dad and Mom.............oh that trip was awesome!

no matter how much I looked like a boy

Big hair days

Fun with kids

My sis-in-law and me

throwing a Halloween Party 

she cracks me up on here- not sure what babe she was carrying

Blue Eyes

The girls I grew up next door to

Cousins

School buddies

 AC with Mindy

  Aw my girl of all time

 One word:  TROUBLE

A wedding with my bro

yeah my wedding

The first stripper I ever hired
I never laughed so hard ever.....Leann's mom was freaking out in the kitchen
Leann was morified and I just couldn't stop laughing
Haven't ordered one since

my girl Liz with my 1st car

 my girl Liz in the craziest car I ever had....my Yugo

My first salon boss

Beauty School

Hair School in Scotland

Rita Rusk School

thanks to my other 1st salon boss Sharon

Little mommy and Pokemon all the way

my girls always make me laugh

OH brother!

Oh the fun we had

Preggo Me

One of my favorite show was PeeWee's Playhouse

The Colonel's Birthday

Gosh he was so alert right from the get go!  So much so he barely slept!

Oh my desk job days....

my girl Tammy

My parents always helping me raise that little guy

Where I slept at Mimi's

My cat Fiora

Pleather shirt-Really?

Why so many pictures of me?  It was my birthday yesterday and I like to think about all the fun I've had.  These pictures were all pre-Rob.  I think of my life BR and AR.  :)  Just seems like a life time ago. 

The best is yet to come!!!