Radiation stuff

Now Radiation is done and I'm not able to really do much as far as exercise because of some pain.  My survivor friends had not told me about the pain involved which was the right thing to do.  I mean not everyone has pain and so why hear about it and stress about it.

I was going along nicely until my last week and the burn started to get worse.  I had thought my pain and burn had peaked, but I was mistaken.  I now believe it has peaked and I'm on the road to no pain or at least a lot less.

My last 2 treatments I was given gel pack treatments which felt really good.  They are gel pack that actually stick on your skin.  The pain I felt was burning and then shooting or aching pains mostly where I had drains and stitches.

This is a picture of my last drain....they are not very big so that was a good thing!

With the pain there is the itch!  I kept trying and trying to scratch it and I realized that I was scratching where I have no feeling so the itch was actually inside my body.  These things added together make you a little crazy.  Chemo was hard because it makes you sick, tired and depressed, but radiation is really painful for me anyways.  I did cry a few times because it did hurt pretty bad.  What helps-

Aquaphor, cortisone cream, Tylenol PM, Miaderm, loose fitting shirts- and wife beaters.  You have to keep applying lotions so it's better to have an undershirt of some sort on under your clothes.  During the day if it's hot you may want to use corn starch.  Apply it under you arm and breast where your skin may rub and cause soreness.  Also if you sit in front of a fan it can be really soothing.  I spoke to a couple of my survivor friends and they said they too had pain around incisions and also itching.  They assured me that it will pass and it's all proof that my body is healing.  My sweet friend Betty talked with me about managing pain and the way she counts through pain.  I myself imagine the pain as a wave and I try to imagine the wave (pain) coming in and then going away.  This is all the stuff you learn when you listen to those pain management CD.  My other friend Barb helps me a lot by letting me know it's all normal!

SO.....here's a glimpse of what a radiation burn can look like.  Mine as you can see has started to peel.  I am most sore under my arm where I had drains 3 TIMES- yuk.  Also under my breast was super sore!          

I read to be nice to your doctors and let them see the real you.  They need to get to know you as a PERSON!  So for radiation I made sure to connect with my radiation techs.  They were all good people.  I would talk with them and get to know them a little and sometimes bring them in a treat.  In radiation you get a time slot and you try and get a time you like, but it's 1st come 1st serve.  As I was going along a slot opened up at 7am which is a popular time slot, but my techs gave me the option.  They knew I was from out of town and they actually started to like me.....I think.  Seeing them everyday you have to like each other or it will be not as pleasant.

Here's another thing- dress nice and wear make-up for your simulation!  I didn't and I regretted it everyday of radiation.  I looked like hell for simulation....and they take a picture of you for identification.  Every day I had to look at it on the screen and want to scream.  They joked about it a lot because it was THAT BAD!
It's amazing how we are judged by our appearance.....I noticed my doctor when he came dashing in my room....he sort of look startled and then smiled big and said "We really need to get a different picture of you....I can barely see your face"......You know he was thinking before he walked in as he was looking over my file with my picture, "What a Hot Mess this woman is".  Oh and then in radiation I was able to carry my file from radiation to my doctor's appointment so one morning I was reading through it and I was a little surprised to see that they made a note of me being a "decent" looking woman and something about my state of mind.  I gathered they were making notes about my "state of mind" and my ability to understand what they were telling me.  I found it pretty interesting.

What I'm trying to say is that when I took care of myself and looked good I felt better and I felt as if I was being seen as Danielle Podrazil not another number.  I'm mean the one appointment my doctor commented on my shoes-see they are paying attention...lol.  Just smiling makes a big difference on how you are cared for.

Oh and take a pain med before simulation because it can be painful for your affected arm.

I have to mention this book I'm loving right now:

Intimacy after Breast Cancer
Gina M. Maisano

It's so hard to go through losing a breast, but then when you realize you will be put into menopause as well it SUCKS double.  I had no idea the grief menopause would cause.  I will not have any more periods and for all the times I cursed having my period I would take 2 periods a month not to do this menopause thing.  BUT I'm not going to be that way I'm going to be grateful for everything I have.  I think back to when I complained about weight, breasts, my period and now look!  I'm the heaviest I've ever been, I'm going through menopause, and my right breast is gone!  How dare I complain like I did.
Any way Intimacy After Breast Cancer is a great book to help you realize- YES you have changed, but who's to say in the end you won't be EVEN BETTER than you were before.
There is a wonderful line in the book that goes like this:   

"The doctors reassure you that your body will heal, but what about your spirit?  What about that inner resolve that got you up every morning, helped you through each chemotherapy session, and kept you together when you wanted to fall apart?"

and this:
"The beauty that is within you must be uncovered.  It's time for the magnificent victor of the most frightening battle you've face to emerge."

The name of the book can be deceiving because there is so much more in it than intimacy.  It helps you to get back to being a girl again....and feeling pretty.  I never knew how much I loved being a female until they took my breast, hair, hormones, ability to have a child, oh and gained 10-15lbs.
  

Reading this book has been so motivational to me.  God bless Gina Maisano; she is a beautifully intelligent women!        


After I claimed I was "Cancer Free" I still wasn't satisfied that people would understand so the other day when I was on the phone with a doctor's office at Sloan I asked them to have a nurse call me back.  I wanted to see what she would say I should say to people who ask, "Are you cancer-free?"

So while I was at work the phone rang and it was a church who we advertise in their church bulletin.  Well they called to invited us to a mass they were having for their advertisers.  And guess what- the mass is to pray for good health next year.  How crazy?  Maybe I'm totally nutz - But I took that as a sign.  Never were we invited before and we had been doing this bulletin for years.  OH and did I mention it happens to be the church that I attended healing mass?  I have such a love for that church.

Back to the nurse- she called back and I asked and here's what she said....
"Danielle when you met with Dr. Seidman, he was assured by your surgeon that she got all the cancer, because the margins (area around my tumor) where clear.  When they found cells in your Sentinel Node they went back in and took all the nodes and when they were clear it was concluded you were "cancer-free" at that point.  Dr. S prescribed chemotherapy and tamoxifen to get you to a cure.  Dr. Powell prescribed radiation in another step to bring you closer to cured."  

So I think that pretty much summed it up

I don't know about anyone else, but I knew nothing about breasts until all this.  Here is a diagram that may help someone else.  When you do you own self exam knowing what is in your breast maybe helpful to you.  I am a very visual person and I feel so much better knowing what is in my breasts.  As the diagram shows my cancer, which is the most popular cancer starts in a duct and leaves the duct.  After cancer has left the duct the next place it travels is to your lymph nodes.  Doctors can determine the 1st lymph node taken by the cancer cells and that is called the Sentinel Lymph node.  My cancer cells were found in there.  After they found those they went back and took more lymph nodes (and everyone has a different amount)  they are the green lymph nodes in the picture and they are axillary lymph nodes.

So when you are checking yourself - CHECK ALL OVER!  My tumors were directly under my nipple.     

     

 

I'm praying for a dear friend having scans today...will you say a prayer for her as well?

Good Bye to You....Radiation all Done!

Update

Well so far radiation is going well.  I am pretty red/burned, but it seems like my implant is holding up well.  Crossing my fingers.  I am not receiving as much radiation to my skin as I had previous treatments so my skin should start to feel a bit better.  I was using Aquaphor and that worked well, but my mother purchased me some ,Miaderm and I love it.  The Miaderm is very soothing to me.  I used it only once a day for now, but after my fast treatment I will use it all the time.

The city is very hot and yesterday I crashed for the 1st time since being here.  I have not noticed much fatigue.  Yesterday could have been hard because I purchased a little mini sewing machine for $20 and ended up carrying it for a while.  My father has been with my for the past few days and it's been great just hanging out together.  I am excited to be done with treatment and able to move on.  I did try and purchase a bra and insert yesterday, but I was turned away from the breast center shop because they said it was too early and that I should not push myself.  I am still not even - and it does bug me.  I wanted to purchase a bra insert and stick-on nipple!  Yes they do sell those- how nice.

Staying in the city has left me with some great memories.........my 1st cockroach, the bum who scared the crap out of me and Leann, the people that ride the bus.  Living right next door to a gentleman's club and watching as the girls and bouncers walk to work.  The wonder people I have met in treatment.  The rude guy who made fun of my hair cut, the teller at the bank who after seeing my license told me NOT to cut my hair again.....lol.  I decided to give up on correcting everyone on my name so at the radiation office I go by the name everyone likes to call me MRS. PADRAZZLE.  I will miss Rob going to appointments with me and weighing ourselves and me wiping my arm pits before the doctor would come in......hOt Flashes...suck.

I am writing this from my plastic surgeon's office so I'm a little rushed- please forgive any errors.  I do a bad job even when I'm not rushed.  I'm hoping I have the balls to tell the doc I don't like my recon being so uneven.  I have realized that no matter what man can accomplish it will never be as beautiful as what God created.  It's amazing all the things we can do we really can't recreate such beauty.  My reduction looks good and it's nice having a smaller breast.....but it's still bigger that my implant.  I'll see what he says.  I am starting to feel like I can maybe loose some weight.....after not budging at all.  I have walked, walked and then walked some more everyday and nothing.  I have noticed my eating getting better and not craving as much bad stuff so things should be looking up.

So things are getting better EVEN the whole menopause CRAP.  I hate that breast cancer has taken so much fun girl stuff, but I'm learning to be happy inspite of it.  My mother gave me a great book and I will post the title later, but if you go on the No Surrender website you can see it there.  It has helped me A LOT.


     

And then there were 12!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

I'm off to start radiation

image by Corrie Bond

Mom and myself are off to get going on my radiation.  I will have a set-up and then my first radiation on Thursday.

I must say the detox is going pretty well I am starving at times....but not nearly as bad as I thought I would be.  I'm starting to feel better about it.
After 1 more day I may move onto the Fat Smash Diet- Phase 1.  It to me seems like the most reasonable although still pretty detoxing!  

When I've googled the Fat Smash by Dr. Ian Smith I found this:

   PHASE 1—DETOXIFICATION The 9-day natural detoxification stage is not a fasting diet. Rather it is a vegetarian diet consisting primarily of fruits and vegetables, with some dairy and egg whites allowed. There are no absolute restrictions on how much to eat. The diet is designed to rid the body of toxins from processed foods and the environment, including the elimination of caffeine and alcohol, to make it easier to lose weight. Phase 1 includes 30 minutes of aerobic exercise.



Foods allowed during phase 1 include:

all fresh fruits in any quantity


all vegetables in any quantity, except white or red potatoes and avocados; vegetables should be raw or lightly cooked (steamed or grilled)


one cup daily of fresh-squeezed—not canned—fruit or vegetable juice


one cup daily of cooked unsweetened oatmeal, grits, farina, or cream of wheat


up to four egg whites daily


any dried beans such as lentils or chickpeas


2 cups daily of cooked brown rice


tofu ( I can not have tofu)


a maximum of two tablespoons per day of tahini (sesame paste)


2 cups daily of low-fat or nonfat milk or soy milk (I can not have the soy milk - but rice or almond milk is a good substitute)


6 oz (170 g) of low-fat yogurt, maximum of 12 oz (340 g) daily


a maximum of two pickles per day


one-two teaspoons of low-fat virgin olive oil for grilling vegetables


low-fat dressing, no more than three tablespoons per salad


herbs and spices


hot-air popcorn without butter or margarine


a maximum of two tablespoons per day of artificial sweetener ( DO NOT EAT ARTIFICIAL SWEETENERS)


2 cups daily of unsweetened decaffeinated herbal or green tea


unlimited water and prayers (O.K. I added the prayers- But make sure you do them :)  


Seems O.K. for 9 days

I'll be in the city for 2 1/2 days....I'm going to miss the boys back at home!

I am really going to try and use my time away to walk a lot and eat good!  I guess I will also catch up on some reading.

Keep drinking water and eat your apples!
Love,
 Danielle

Simulation for Radiation

Well simulation is done and I must say I know now why they say take some meds before hand. It was a lot of time lying in an uncomfortable position! At one point I really wanted to yell: "Get me out of here".  I definitely should have brought a relaxing CD too.

My radiation is only going to be to my breast.  Even though I have no breast tissue left they think it's a good idea to radiate my skin there, because my skin was involved in my tumor.  I had 2 opinions and 1 was for rads to breast, arm and chest area and 1 was just the breast.  I am going with the less radiation.  I know I had 1 lymph node with cancer cells, but once they took them all out and found no more I consider that a sign that we caught those cells early.  Those were cells were in the sentinel node ( the1st node that the bad cells travel to).  To radiate my arm would also increase my chances of lymphedema.... I had to weight one against the other.  I feel good about my decision.         

My arm had to be above my head and that wasn't too bad at first, but then it was not fun. I ended up deep breathing towards the end because my arm felt so stiff. When the guy pulled me out and took all the tape off me; he said I could put my arm down and well I couldn't move my arm. I had to use my other hand to get it down. I don't know how other people do it; I consider myself in decent shape considering.

When you go in they get you on the table and then they tape and mark you and do some simulating. After the first go around they told me they will need to make a cast and it's not a big deal it's just I will need to be there a little longer. The cast they made was very uncomfortable, but OK and a small price to pay for increasing my odds of no local reoccurrence. At one point though they had my "bad" arm taped so tight I thought I could die. I was a little freaked because everything I read talks about taking care of your arm as to not cause lymphedema! I told them and they quickly adjusted the tape.

After that they review the simulation and you just lay there.....and lay there......and lay there

Once they are satisfied they mark you and do your tattoos. I have 5 dots to mark the spot and I don't think I'm the tattoo type. Too much of a baby! Although with my new foob I have no feeling????

My new boob is doing really well. I will not get a nipple for a year! My skin will be going through a lot right now and it will take time before another procedure can be done. I'm really hoping my skin holds up to the radiation; I really don't want any more surgery for a while.

My breast that was reduced is still painful at times. I notice if I'm standing/walking a lot it starts to hurt. I also have to keep all the incisions taped and I change those every day and that can be a real pain. I guess it’s supposed to help my incisions heal. When my Doctor went and put tape right on top of my incisions I thought I would die. I had no idea how the heck I was going to remove them without hitting the roof. He told me that I should talk them off in the shower and they come right off......yeah right. Not right off. I finally have a method to get them off, and I'm healing really well so it's not as bad.

I feel whole again.....most days. There are some days I'm really down, but I'm working on it and its getting better. I had tea with my Survivor friend Barb and she makes me feel better. So many times we have bad thoughts go through our heads and it makes us crazy. Barb gave me a saying - its O.K. to let the birds fly over your head just doesn’t let them make a nest in your hair! Good Saying

Rob's uncle passed away last week of cancer and it was a very long painful good bye. It's so sad to see people suffer so badly from cancer. I think about myself and how I could ever do that.....die to cancer.........I don't think I can.

Breast Implant, Breast Reduction, Radiation, Food, Exercise, ChemoPause and Rob's getting better looking!

I got some great advice from other cancer patients and one of the best tips I got was from Lucas' Aunt Liz- PAINT YOUR NAILS! I called Liz when I was bald and not having a good time of it. Liz is a very bubbly upbeat fun person. She suggested I get my nails done and through this whole thing- I kept my nails painted. I was lucky I didn't have any nail side effects- but if I did I wouldn't notice it as much being they were always painted. Plus painting my nails was a real girl thing to have when every thing else was falling away from me.

Well I am going for Last CHEMO Monday and now I will be focusing BIG time on me and my health. I feel my body has taken a blow and I am so lucky that my body handled everything so well. My body is wore out and just plain tired and slow moving. I breath heavy and my legs are week. My arms are heavy and my eyes water a lot.

So I need to start the uphill battle of nursing my body back to health and then shape. I need to definitely eat better and start exercising everyday. During treatment - I couldn't handle exercise or eating better- it was too hard for me and I didn't think it was fair to my body which was working so hard. Everyone is different though and some people exercise and eat good the whole time. In my heart I didn't feel it was fair to my body after not eating that well or exercising so much to put it through chemo and new eating and exercise.

I'm a little scared about being able to get back in shape as I have gone through CHEMO PAUSE- ovaries were shut down due to chemo and caused me to go into menopause. I may come out of it but, once I go on my pills to stop estrogen I will most likely have no more periods. So I'm wondering if this will make it harder for me to lose weight. BUT then I look at my mom who has gone through menopause and she's a bit over 100lbs!

Here we are St. Patrick's Day 2009

Here we are St. Patrick's Day 2010
I have a little work to do - but actually I still see me in there so I will get there!
Gee I think Rob got better looking over the past year ;)

LAST CHEMO APRIL 19th- can't stop thinking about-

Well I have a new surgery date- May 18th
Mammogram on my left breast- April 26th
Tissue Expander Fill- April 26
Pre-Surgery Consent and Testing April 26
Radiation Simulation- June 10th
Radiation to Start- June 14th or June 21

There's a lot going on- and I just want to be SUPER happy for my last chemo!!!
Last Chemo is a big deal- because I am really ready to be done with IV and crap following having those toxins in my system.

I really need to eat better and exercise a lot more. I am hoping that in the 4 weeks before my surgery I can exercise every day and eat better. I am planning on water aerobics 3 days a week and reg aerobics 2 days. I am planning on walking everyday 2 miles. I hope and actually must do this!!!! The 2 mile walk kills me- I love it but I hate the time I spend walking because I think of other things I could be doing. So I think I've come up with some ideas- Listen to a book- the book will have to be motivational or health info. OR I can say my rosary while walking.
Food- I need to just have 2 breakfasts menus- 2-3 lunch menus, and 5 dinner ideas. They have to be easy and organic.
I will do this type of eating until I understand what I really need to eat and get better at fitting in all I need to stay cancer-free

What I learned in my reading is that supplements are not nearly as good as getting them from our food. I was a big supplement taker an now I will only get my vitamins and minerals from food. I will continue take my vitamin D till I do more research- on testing my level of D and how to increase it. Vitamin D is very important for women and we usually lack it. Also need to research the Vitamin B - type and amount.

I want to eat the NEW Food Groups:
Grains
Legumes
Vegetables
Fruit

I'm still reading The China Study and Breaking the Food Seduction- the following clip is from the author of Food Seduction- (it's long)

I'm really setting high expectations- I am the personality type that needs to do something every day or I don't do it. The problem I will run into is burning out. I need to learn to be easier on myself when I miss a day or eat a piece a chocolate- the important thing is that I do as much of this healthy lifestyle I can.

I have been vegan once before in my life and I hope to do it again. It will be hard but now it's a matter of fighting cancer. I need to make my body a place where cancer cells don't feel welcomed.

Here's a great simple snack- instead of just a plain old apple:

What a great day!

I had a great day going into to do some work today. Some paperwork came out pretty good!

I was so happy!

Then I went to one of my parent's stores and they were excited to show me the new PINK BUCKETS!!! For every PINK bucket sold KFC will donate .50 to Susan G Komen Foundation!

gee- i never wanted to put my picture bald on here- especially with no make-up

I was just so happy!

Please buy a bucket!

My beautiful brother entered my name- I LOVE MY BROTHER

There she is 1 in 8 Danielle Podrazil

HAD 2nd Opinion on Radiation....well she suggested more rads than the other doc. Well- I need to look at the benefit of radiation on my arm and compare it to the risk of getting lymphedema. Right now I'm thinking I just want radiation to my breast and NONE to my collar bone and arm. Gee it's so hard to make a decision- NOT to get something because I'm fighting to beat this. Also I'm scared to leave Sloan and having radiation there will be hard on my family. And I think what if I get cancer again and then we will have done all that and I don't really gain anything or die. It sucks. I only have thoughts of not making it when I'm on the pc and I read discussion boards and I come across something like this "Crap it's hospice for me" that was written by a mom 47! I hate this cancer. I need to be so thankful! We all need to be so thankful. That mom was gone in 2 months of that post.

Well onto something great- After that second opinion I was so confused and scared. I went to healing mass with mom and I prayed for some help with making a decision.

Like I said before my situation was a little rare- 1 node positive with micro cells. Well I searched and searched on my pc and I found a girl with 1 node positive with micro cells!!! How crazy is that. I was lucky enough to be able to send her a private message and she wrote me back!!! Guess what? Her dad is a radiation oncologist! Yes- how blessed am I? She confirmed what I thought- the risks of getting lymphedema were greater than the benefit of rads to my arm- because they took all the other nodes out and they were negative. She had 21 nodes- I had 14. She ended her message to me with BLESSINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Think there's not a GOD think again!

Well here are some things I'm loving

Carolyn Lynn Calter

Chanel temp. tats! How cute- I think Sarah Jessica P. wore these

I need one of these in my back yard

thanks MSN Style

NICE
thanks debutnewyorkblogspot

DREAMY Summer NIGHTS

OLD TIME Dressing

thanks MSN STYLE

Still working on my radiation set-up. It's good I know I will get radiation. Nothing else has changed with prognosis- this all part of an insurance policy and peace of mind for us. I had some skin involvement so we just want to make sure there is nothing left to cause problems.

Monday we are going to NY to meet with my plastic surgeon to discuss my implant. My surgeon wants my implant in before I start radiation so that surgery will probably move up to the end of May.

Last chemo APRIL 19th!!!!! Wait till you see my last bracelet from Kyle- Krista and the girls! Will I get my bear- stay tuned.LOL

Hey Krista - I got to see Kyle on his last visit here and we hugged! LOL you've got a great hubby. Love you guys.

Sometime after my last chemo and before my surgery I'm dreaming of meeting some girls out for frozen dacaries!!!! YUM

I want to be a girl again! You seen the picture- I could pass as an old man. The other day I didn't wear my wig and some guy said to Lucas and I "Hi- boys" Oh brother.

ANYONE IN?

LOVE YOU

Radiation is yes.

Well my doctor (radiation oncologist) recommends radiation to my breast (foob). I will only need it to the breast where my tumor was. He couldn't give me any stats because there were none for my case. It's rare that my tumor attached to the skin. It attached but hadn't come through - if it had it is normal protocol to radiate the breast. I also had some lymphatic involvement- very small isolated amount but it was there.

No radiation to my arm- THANK GOD because I'm a candidate for lymphedema. I have to be careful with my arm where they took 14 nodes out. I take certain precautions. Radiation to that arm will increase chance of lymphedema. So we were happy about that.

I'm super nervous about my implant getting ruined and then having to go on to reconstruction with my own tissue. And then there is a chance I won't be able to reconstruction at all. YIKES

But very much ok- because I would be alive and that's what's important.

I'm getting a second opinion- well sort of. I'm trying to find out if another facility could do the same radiation. I will def have radiation as Dr. Powell suggested because he is very knowledgeable and I trust him.

I'm also doing some research on radiation after mastectomy- because it is sort of on the edge- meaning some are for it and some are not. To me with what I have they can't possibly know if I will have recurrence on my breast -but I would feel more at peace knowing I did all I could to stop it.

I'm a bit worn out because going to appointments like this make me nervous- I don't much like going over my pathology report. I'm always in the category as YOUNG and AGGRESIVE and now RARE bothers me. I guess being young and having an aggressive tumor calls for aggressive action.

So Monday is TREATMENT 7- so excited!!! I'm excited to wear my #7 bracelet made by Mallory and I think I'm going to wear one of my scarves my friend Krista sent me.

Thrusday is my 2nd appointment with a radiation oncologist

And the following Monday April 12th is my appointment at the plastic surgeon's office- which will be sad because now I need radiation.

I'm so thankful for my friends! Amy came to visit. Vicki is always checking on me! Amber even when she's down checks on my. My Doctor who found my tumor actually called to see how I was doing. High School friends pray and check on me. Carrie always gets emails and cards out to me and today seeing a picture of Lucas' little sis was a treat! I always wanted to have a sibling and it's great to her little face.

Rob's grandma always calls and leaves sweet messages and tells us she loves us.

I'm amazed at how JenJen keeps me in her thoughts.

Our Nephew Nolan and Nana making me an Easter card and choc cover strawberries!

My Niece Natalie gave me a beautiful plant in an Easter basket!

Very thankful for my Mom, Dad,my bro and Nicole, Rob's mom and dad, Becky and Jason.

ALSO ROB and LUCAS who I know are getting sick and tired of me. I promise I'll be back!

I know I've forgotten someone, but I'll remember!

I'm trying to perk up for Easter, but this whole radiation thing has gotten me a little down and researching info on the web can be very upsetting to me.

So I'll try and get outside some with Lucas.