I Have A Dream

I know we all have dreams, but I have a lot of them.  Not the dreams we have while sleeping, but the ones we have while awake.  When we're kids we have different dreams and sometimes they work out and sometimes they don't.  Somewhere along growing up and living life some of us lose our dreams or even stop having them.

I would have to say I still have times when things/ideas come to me, but I quickly move on.  After being hit with cancer dreams can seem pretty silly or even impossible.  So I wondered- Is it better to not keep having them?  I think about this a lot and then one day I decided to act as if I was going to attempt to make my dream come true.  There is a part of town where I live that takes me back to so many good memories from high school.  There was a woman who ran a shop called Jan's and I loved it.  It was a bit run down and it had boho or hippie type clothing.  My best friends and I would go there and have a ball.  As time went on and my friends had moved, I still would go in there just to feel the feelings I had when I was there with my friends.  So Jan's is long gone, but when I drive by there I always admire the little group of building still standing there pretty much empty.  I love how the buildings are so close to the river.  I have a memory of attending a Christmas party over that way at an attorney's home that was located right near the water and it was just beautiful.   You could go out their backdoor and they had it so nice with the river right there.  As I thought about my love of the area I thought it would be so nice to have a restaurant or something right there by the water.

I decided after a trip to Sally's I would head back over there and take a closer look at the buildings and the river.  So I parked my car, put my money in the meter and made my way towards the buildings.  Oh they were pretty run down and not very big at all, still I loved seeing them.  I was a little sad/excited they were vacant, but a restaurant probably wouldn't be doable.  Anyway I continued to walk over the bridge and towards a little sitting area and there he was Mr. Martin Luther King giving his "I have a dream" speech.  This was so funny to me as I have been thinking more and more about my own dreams.  At times I feel lesser in society it's stuff I put on myself for sure, but it's still there.  I'm living on borrowed time, I'm lucky to even be here are things that run through my mind.  So when I seen a Martin Luther King standing there fighting for a people who others thought to be lesser or not entitled it made my heart flutter.  See anyone standing up for himself or herself and others and actually stating a dream is very touching to me.  Could you imagine standing up and saying "I have a dream"  and then actually saying it?  That to me is pretty scary.  Seeing this statue tied everything together for me.  Dreaming is good because it means we are alive and we are still thriving.  Our mind is healthy and it has ideas, hopes and dreams to share.  Even if my dream never ever comes true it's nice to have and it may even be nice to share.  It takes some guts to share a dream, but if someone shares a dream with you; you should feel so blessed.

After I stood for a bit with Mr. King, and after someone commented on my running pants I decided to move on.  I made by way back over the bridge and started down a driveway down towards the water.  As I was passing a building I was startled by a guy I wasn't thinking would be there.  So he said hello and I said hello back.  I told him how pretty it was back by the river.  He informed me that yes it was and that the restaurant he was working for is going to be putting a deck back there for their diners and live music.  Oh I could vision everything he described to me.  He then asked if I had ever been to the restaurant and I told him I had not.  Well he offered to show me inside- yeah I know- Rob already yelled at me for 1. Going somewhere where no one would think to look for me 2. Talking to strangers by the river and 3. Going into a building alone.  I know I know- but I have to go with my feelings.  We went in and it was adorable and I loved it.  I met the owner and his father and they were the nicest people.  In their eyes you could tell they were just good people.

I told them they had a beautiful place and that I would definitely be back.  Well when I left there I had the urge to call Rob right up and tell him to be ready to go out for dinner by 8.  The restaurant has Thia food which Rob isn't crazy about, but I knew he would like the place as well.

It was such an interesting little experience for a Saturday morning.  I thought about dreams, I end up seeing Martin Luther King, and then I end up standing in someone's dream come true.  The owner of that restaurant had a dream and it came true.  Being around people who are good, hardworking and making dreams come true is really a joy.  Something like this just makes me happy. 

And check out this big bowl of lovely soup!!

 

 

Yes, we did go to dinner and although Thai cuisine is not Rob's favorite he liked the place and people as well.

 

And so I'm going to keep on dreaming................

Ombre

So I decided to bleach out my ends a little more for more of an Ombre look!

I linked to all the products I used.

I used a hi-lighting kit from the drugstore- by Revlon

The thing with Ombre hair for me anyways is that my natural is dark so that doesn't need any color and it's super healthy while my ends are bleached and dry.  Now what shampoo to you get to deal with that?

I use a clarifying shampoo all over 1st then I use a blue shampoo (a shampoo for blondes- keeps your blonde nice and bright) on the ends and then I just condition the ends. Here's what I use:

For styling it's a challenge as well as my roots are super healthy meaning not a lot of body.  So I found a root boost product I like to use when blow drying

If my hair has already been blown dried or maybe it's day two for my hair and it needs a little boost I use  this powder 

These two products help with adding volume to my hair. 

And to keep my ends shiny I use this oil and I love it no matter I have going on with my hair for my ends.

You only need very little so it lasts a long time!!  I love it

He never asked until

Lucas and Me

 I'm working with some girlfriends on working out and losing some extra weight gain and it's taking a lot of time- just trying to fit in exercise, food shopping, food prepping and everyday life stuff.

I had my D&C and everything looked fine there- we just have to wait for additional test to come back, but like I said I'm pretty sure it's all OK.  Yesterday I tried to get all my medical stuff in order because one of my goals this year is to take better care of myself.  I want to declutter some things, organize somethings and really relax more.  Maybe I should say quiet time or prayer/meditation time!!!  The other night I wanted to take a bath and use one of my Lush products I've never used before called a bath bomb.  Although our tub doesn't hold water I just laid there while it emptied- very slowly (thank goodness) and it felt so amazing.  I'll post a picture of my bath bomb- I really loved it, but it was a bit of a waste as I couldn't soak it in.  I'm gonna purchase a tub plug at an antique store...lol.  No really-   I think I see them at PriceChopper.

So as I was saying I'm getting more on top of my medical stuff like taking all my vitamin and minerals and knowing exactly how much I'm taking and of what.  After my last couple of trips to Lourdes and being asked about these I really feel like a slacker in that area.  I'm really happy to report to them that I don't take my other meds for depression or anxiety!!!

There are times that are definitely tough- I recently found out a cancer friend of mine that was diagnosis-ed after me at the young age of 33 is now 35 and it's back.  The hardest part of this for me is thinking about her boy who is 14 years old.  He asked her back in October if the cancer was all gone after one of her scans and she was happy to report to him that they didn't see any.  Then in November it was back.  What makes this even harder for me is that Lucas has never asked one question about my cancer until recently.  We were at a drive-thru at McDonald's before Christmas time and he asked when my 5 years was up.  I didn't even think he knew about the 5 year thing.  Now I know he never asked me anything- but I know he probably does worry about it and I hate that about cancer.  Do what you want to us, but please leave our kids alone- they don't deserve it!  As a kid I didn't even know what cancer was!  It's so unbelievably unfair.  I don't know what made Lucas think about it- it could be something he heard in health class I don't know.  I didn't know what to say- I never like to be too optimistic as to jinx myself, but I can't have him live under my cloud.  NO one should - not even me.  So I guess it's back to realizing none of us knows what's in store for us.  A perfectly healthy person could lose there life walking across the street.  I truly am like everyone else- only I know that I want to live a better life and enjoy every minute- and I want Lucas to as well.  My friend doesn't know what to tell her boy and I'm not sure either- there's no good way to tell a boy such a thing- all there is to do is just mother him as long as physically possible- and then teach him to feel that love after you are gone....like when he feels the warm sun on his face or spots a little flower blowing in the wind or hears the birds early in the morning or when he does something he is really proud of.

Anyways hearing this news could really bring you down, but I made it through it.  And it made me think about myself and Lucas and that he had asked me had been replaying and replaying in my mind so all of this is coming together for me and I see better now what I need to be doing.  No one was going to tell me about this and I see why- but they needed some help from me and I was happy to help them.  In the end helping someone helped me and Lucas.  I love my Lucas so very much.

Back to my stuff- All this stuff going on got me to really think about Dr. Deng (integrated medicine)  and I pulled out his sheets and reprinted them- organized all my supplements and am ready to roll.  I also made an appointment with Dr. Deng to see if there is anything new out there I need to know about.  I'll go to him in April.

I'm also going to get back on track with my gastro guy- I was suppose to do a culture- I never did so I'll be doing that as well.....and I waited so long they are punishing me by making me go to my primary doctor again.  Around here some offices are so rude and treat you like crap it amazes me.  Oh well.  I believe he is a good doctor, but his office people are NOT so nice.  And seeing I'll be back at my primary I guess I will start back up with my blood testing I never did concerning my Vit. D levels and anything else he thinks should be checked.

I didn't do that culture because I just felt so worn out from appointments that I was letting things slide because I was just plain fed up with being a patient.  I don't want to have all these doctors and pills to take, but I want as much healthy time on this planet as possible to have TONS of FUN with my family!!!  So I'll do what I'm suppose to - BUT I will not resign myself to the PATIENT mentality- if you have met someone like this you know what I mean.  I love those people and I totally understand how they can resort to that out of immense fear- I feel it too sometimes, but I continue to keep fighting it.

And now onto fun stuff-

We went bowling for Rob's bday and it was so fun!!!

This is such a cool picture- I never seen behind the scenes before!  

Do you see the guy sitting in one of those big red cylinder?

His one leg is out.  So neat!

Here is my bath bomb- huge huh

Getting ready for Christmas the organized way....and Christmas Spirit!

Going to the Christmas Tea with mom was so nice and really helped me get into the Christmas Spirit!

They served this yummy cocktail they called a Poinsettia

They said it was champagne mixed with CranRaspberry juice and they put 2 raspberries in every one's glass.

Well in trying to prepare for Christmas in the organized way I tend to get a little snippy, but I do try and correct myself.  I think with getting our house more organized it will in the end save time and grief.  In doing all this stuff around my house my workouts have suffered, but honestly I have to just finish this before I can relax and enjoy my workouts.  I have to let go of all the guilt feels for now and just know I'll be back at it soon......like next week soon!!

here's a quick clip...lol.

 

Is it possible we get a Christmas gift every day it's just a matter of opening it?

 

Life can seem so difficult and it's hard for all of us- but look how far we've come!  We have made major accomplishments whether it's been raising a child, caring for a pet, battling an addiction, leaving bad people behind, helped with homework, donated time and money- we did stuff! 

No matter how small.

A couple of nights I've been a brat like I said- mostly feeling sorry for myself- missing my old body- but look how far I've come

 

This was such a hard time for me, but it was only by one day at a time and the support of all my family and friends that I made it to today.

.......but life is a continual journey and this was just one of my many stops.

I have so much more to grow!

 

I hope I always remember to love everyone as the special gift they are. 

 

The day of Lucas' surprise party I was running around like mad doing errands and I had major problems arise- but I ran into my mom at Walmart and thank goodness as I had a major dilemma there.  So anyways I was rushing rushing and my mom called to check on me after we had said our good byes and she said to me, "Did you hear that guy singing at the front door?"  

Well I did see and hear him- but I was so rushed I didn't enjoy it.

My mom went on to say what a wonderful voice he had and she was so right.

It made me stop and think that I need to slow down and really enjoy gifts that are given to me everyday that I take for granted.  He did have an awesome voice and what a great treat after having to deal with busy Walmart!

 

This gift I didn't miss- An 82 year old woman at the grocery store:

She asks me:

What do you call a fake noodle?

 

Me:  

I don't know

 

Her:

An Impasta

She was definitely a gift that day in the grocery line.   She was so cute and so happy despite the very spacey cashier.  She told me another joke, but it was a bit dirty so I'll keep it to myself.  

I have so much more to grow!

Well I thought I did a video clip of my Christmas stuff, but I stink at it!!!

So just a few peeks at my prep for Christmas

x

Bang Bang

Every so many years I get a craving more bangs...............

Do you???

Do you know how to get them without a haircut?

Hairdo

Tomorrow I'll try and post some of my holiday prep :)

Wowza- So MUCH going on!!!!

$16 Christmas Dress

Well I had such a nice vacation away with Rob!  It was nice to get away for Our 4yr Anniversary- I can't believe it's been 4 years- that seemed to go by SO quick!  That's a long time- I've never been married that long. lol.

Getting away is probably the best Anniversary gift ever!

As soon as we got back it was Thanksgiving and I did my first 8k with my girl AMY!!!  I'm so lucky to have a friend like Amy- if it hadn't been for her I would have never done it.  I don't know if I would have even started running like I have been- had she not have posted her running on FB.  The other night when we were out she reminded me that I had run before- (because I constantly tell her I don't like running) I did run before when I was married before.  I was under a lot of stress and I would just go out side and run - fast as I could to try and get some relief.  It was no where near the running I do today- so I'm thinking that could be my reasoning behind always saying I hate running.  I need to turn that around and really think about- I couldn't possibly hate running and run like I do?  NO way - so ya know what I like running- I'm not a super star, but I like running and I honestly think if I couldn't run I would surely miss it. 

I had fun Amy!!

We had a great Thanksgiving with Family and Friends!!  I miss them all now :(

So I'm trying really hard to get a jump on things this Christmas- but first I felt the need to organize my house.  I know this sounds absolutely crazy from a slob.....well I'm not really a slob at heart....lol.

This weekend I began my kitchen cabinets and pantry.  I should have taken before pictures- but I didn't think of it.  Not only did I go through every spice and every expiration date I also made myself an excel spreadsheet so I know what I have!  So many times I buy stuff I already have.  What I really liked going over was the liquor- I like my collection and I can think of a couple things I'd like to add  :)
Rob got a good laugh at all my crazy notes and lists......I feel nutz sometimes......like obsessive compulsive in a bipolar fashion!!!!  Am I the only one who does stuff like that- like I have stuff all over and then one day I will organize like I love it?

Next - like tonight I want to deal with these 2

So another part of Christmas is Lucas' Birthday, Christmas outfits, Christmas cards, and gift wrapping.  SO I set up an area to do just cards and an area to do just wrapping- WOWZA- I'm SO excited!!!  Part of Christmas dressing is knowing what you have and what you need- I had organized a lot of my clothes a couple of months ago so I'm good there- I know have to work more on Lucas' attire.  This weekend I also cleaned my washing machine from another season of seal coating.  I'm thinking of going to the Laundromat with the dog's bed clothes- pet hair is GROSSing me out lately.  Wow was my washer dirty- yuk.

Speaking of dressing- I have my holiday dress and it's from one of my favorites- I don't think I'll even mention the store- see if you can figure it out.

Look at this adorable outfit for my little nephew Sam

and I LOVE this outfit- I already have the sweater

yeah it's Kmart....that dress was only $16- now I just have to accessorize it!  And speaking of accessorizing DON'T forget to stock up on your hose!!!  Especially if you are lucky enough to have little ladies living in your house!!!

As a young wild single girl I did many last minute runs for stockings!!!  I've learned to always have a pair to spare.  Oh and Santa panties can't hurt.

Life moving on.....late posting

These legs better get their job done on Turkey day!!!

 

I better get rid of at least a couple of pounds - it's only fair if I expect these legs to carry me around.

Well I'm a little late getting this out- but it's been a little busy.  I'm trying really hard to get more organized so that Christmas won't be too stressful and more enjoyable!

We are also starting to get moving with our piece of land.

This is where our house will go

Even Maggie got up to the land...

It's very exciting and a little scary all at the same time! 

I absolutely love our family pictures we had taken by Annie Sullivan Photography.

It was fun and Annie made it a sucess- she even got Lucas to laugh!

To see a picture where the 3 of us are laughing is really priceless- I cried

So my weight was up- but since I've started back up with my FitnessPal I know why- I LOVE to eat.  I eat a lot of stuff all day long.  I love to eat.....so I need to pull it back a bit.

As time gets closer for the Turkey Trot I'm getting more nervous.  I just can't imagine running along people- I do a lot of self talk pushing myself, so I hope I can handle it.  I'm not a runner runner so I wonder how I will do.....I'm just plain scared.  So glad my friend Amy will be there too.

Where my peeps at?

OK- I love YouTube and I love videos of crazy things like cat's opening drawers to steal hair accessories or birds dancing to music....but I never have the talent to catch anything cool....

The other day though I was in the car with Lucas and just because I was fooling with my phone I took a quick video. It's pretty lame- but it cracks me up and it makes me smile. Lucas is getting older and now when we hang out we laugh a lot.  It's so funny when your kid "gets" the same funny things you do. My girlfriend told me about this with her son and I thought how fun AND now it happens to us. We sometimes just look at each other and know the other person is seeing the same thing and thinking the same thing.

Oh don't get me wrong he still tells me things like "Mom you're not going in there with that on" or "What's wrong with you"~ He wasn't a huge fan of my scarf....I was wearing it all different ways and so he wasn't digging it. You'll see in the little lame video clip he ends up swatting me..not nice.  I crack up over my mom asking why they are called peeps.
It's totally lame, but it's totally just what goes on parking at Maine's. I don't know why I keep laughing about it.




Enough with my lame family video

Onto Weigh-in

Wowza.....for once I hit a teen!!!!! and it wasn't named Luki....I had to say it.

I'm not sure how I managed this, because last week I was still at 122.0.  I do know this past couple of weeks I struggled - wanting to eat all day and missing exercise classes- drinking wine- and I know there is something else bad I just can't think of it.  OH forgot to take my Tamoxifen for 6 days- YIKES.  I hope that's not why I lost.  I did however pull it together this week after hooking back up with my LOVE of YouTube ladies who eat yummy food and post their favorite items and tips!!!!  When I get big I wanna be a You tube star!!!  I learn SO much.  I also love the make-up tips- these girls buy lots of make-up and report back on what's good- LOVE that!!!  I should post all my favorite YouTube Subscriptions.

Somethings that I think helped me big time this week:

Taking a 3 hour class 2 nights a week - kept me from overeating dinner and eating late.  Oh and the class has nothing to do with fitness.

Drinking lots of water- I'm obsessed with a terrible TV show were the woman is always drinking a drink and it makes me want to drink!!  I've come to love the plastic cups that come with a straw and gripper- I'm getting addicted!  When I was hungry I 1st drank a bunch of water

Staying in touch with my girls- Amy and Jen!!!  Knowing that they are going through the same things really helps and we share lots of good tips.  Amy got me on Nike Run and Fitness Pal

Getting more into getting my mile time down

Asking to see all my topless pictures at my doctor's appointment.  I wanted to see me with my real breasts.  Not sure why- but I was surprised at how much better my posture looked now compared to then.  I could see I'm in better shape.  I thought I would cry, but just found it interesting to see all the stages- Real Breasts, Breast Expander in place, Implant, Implant after radiation (YIKES), and now.  Life is going pretty darn good and there was nothing to cry about just more motivation to keep going.

Fitness Pal-(thanks Amy)  I'm going to love as soon as I get the hang of it!!

Having a heart to heart with my Pilates instructor

Spinning
Running

MY hubs asking why I haven't been to the gym
MY mom always cheering me on with cards and just plain asking
Dad too
Lucas- he makes me laugh and puts up with my craziness

Products:
Sara's Tuna Melt Recipe
Sugar-free Bread and Butter Pickles
Seaweed snack
Gluten-free bread sticks
Sunbutter
MultiGrain bread
Plantain Chips
Coco Covered Almonds
Dietz and Watson Gourmet Light Turkey breast
Salad
Water

Also checking in on my blog makes a difference- I feel like I'm committed- not sure who is looking at this blog, but the thought of failing while others watch....creeps me out...

So I tried some clothes on for a party I have to tomorrow:

Excuse the face...no make-up :)
I love these brown short and peach jacket from H&M

When I was in the city all by myself, I ran in H&M and fell in love with this jacket!!

Not sure about this Lady GaGa tee I wear the crap out of so the next shirt was also an option

.

Maggie wasn't sure about the shoes....I know they don't go with the shirt.

I really love this shirt

Kmart

Wow my pictures got more blurry as the morning went on...

I love this blazer with white shorts

Blazer from Macy's

Shorts from Kmart

Shoes from Payless

This shirt is super cute too from Kmart...what's up with my Kmart obsession- I have no idea!!

Shorts from Kmart

Shoes from Aldo

Oh and my scarf is from the Salvation Army- it's from Italy and it's water repellent - crazy!

YouTube also had great videos on scarves~