I'm back at home!

No I didn't :) but it was fun to look

Dylan's Candy Bar

New York City

1011 Third Ave

New York, NY 10021

646-735-0078

Subway: N, R, W, 4, 5, 6 to 59th St/Lexington Ave

Store Hours:

Mon-Thurs 10 AM – 10 PM

Fri & Sat 10 AM – 11 PM

Sun 10 AM – 9 PM

Well I had a good time of my 1st two treatments.  I did get a little anxious on the 1st one... my breathing got really heavy and I was afraid that any second I would get yelled at.  Especially after they take all this time to  place me just so- but they never yell and they are always very nice to me.  I was assigned a certain machine/room and that will be the machine I use for all 25 treatments.  I believe the techs will usually be the same too.  There are about 4 techs waiting when I get to the room and they are all guys/boys.  The youngest happens to be from Binghamton so that's nice.  I always were my cross into the room and take it off while in the room that way there is always a crucifix with me in the room.  There are lockers and they will have you take your cross off, but I wear mine till the last minute.  There's nothing painful about the radiation treatment, but there's a weird feeling you get when it's time to shoot you up and everyone leaves the room.  All in all it's fine for now.  I understand it will accumulate in my body and eventually may burn and make me tired.  I apply lotion 2x a day and I'm hoping my implant stays good!   The schedules are a little hard at times, but they try their best AFTER you let them know exactly what you need.

The room I'm staying at in the city happened to be on the 5th floor- NO elevator!  There was no way we could continue to truck up and down the very old narrow steps so after pleading and pleading we were moved to the 2nd floor of another building.  You see they showed us one room when we went to see the place, but them gave us a different room when we arrived.   Mom and I were very relieved and super tired from moving everything from the 5th floor in one building to the 2nd floor in another building.

The city was very hot and busy.  At first I don't really like to be there, but I then start to like it again.  I did miss my bed though.  One day while in Bed Bath and Beyond we kept seeing things about bed bugs and finally asked the boy at the register after seeing a travel size bottle at the check out. 

ME: Are there such things as bed bugs around here?
BOY: Yes    
ME:  REALLY
BOY:  OH YEAH, but it's not bed bug season.  Bed bug season is in the fall.
ME:  Were you ever bit by a bed bug?
BOY: YEAH, I didn't know for sure what it was so I looked it up on-line and it was.  You know they are bed bugs because they will leave a line of bites.
MOM:   We better get that spray

So when we get back to the room............we didn't go near the bed until we were too tired to care AND we put on new sheets and mattress pad.

The trip was good- SO HOT!  My eating was decent, but I could have made some better choices I suppose.  My mom is great to travel with because she knows I am trying to get back in shape.  We walked a lot.  I mean that's like all we did is get up leave and walk all day.  The food is great in the city, but next week I will bring and buy some groceries so we can eat in.  One thing that was really nice was a diner called the RITZ- they had fresh squeezed spinach, celery and carrot juice- YUM.   Next week I will have my VitMixer with me.  The Ritz was also open 24hrs- nice to know.  They were very nice there and clean.

I was reading about fiber while there and I can't believe all the fiber we are suppose to eat in one day.  When I post about the cancer fighting veggies later I will also make note of the fiber info I found!  Fiber is very important to digestion and if you are trying to lose weight and keep fit it's a must.  My mom and I went over a few days of what we ate to see how much we had and it wasn't good.  If we ate all the fiber we should have we would have been too full to eat much else.

I really need to start exercising my arms.  At night I'm having some problems getting comfortable and I think I am tensing up while I sleep.   Some mornings I wake up and my arms are asleep- or just plain hurting.

I have so much to do before leaving again Monday morning.

Well I was going to post how I made my crown for my Blessed Mother so here it is

Floral wire

3 Pieces- eye ball how much you may need to go around your Blessed Mother's head 

          Braid them like you would hair

Make sure you have decent spaces to fit flowers and the spaces are easy enough to adjust to different size flowers. 

Adjust it to fit your Blessed Mother's head

Pick your flowers from your yard or while walking

Poke them in the wholes in the crown you've made. 

Well I must run and get all my stuff done.

I'm off.........

Well I hope I have everything!

Say good-bye to this.......I wear this shirt with pride- Thanks Vicki

Thank you so much GRITS for your comment- it meant a lot to me today as I was nervous! It's amazing how good things like that happen...you made my morning!!!!!!!!! God Bless you! What you did was so nice and I can't thank you enough.

The Blessed Mother was so good to me yesterday at all the masses I attended and spoke. I finally figured out how to make her a crown of fresh flowers...I'll post it later.

Bye my sweet Karl - the forgotten friend who has sat and laid with me through this whole thing. XX

Last CHEMO!!!!

Well it's all done- never want to do that again! BUT if I had to I would do it in a heartbeat.

My inspiration board through all this

So leading up to Chemo some things that went on:

My back pain was still bothering me after 3 weeks- went to my doc here and I went alone. Well when he ordered an x-ray- I freaked a little- to myself. Thank God for St. Theresa- I imagined her there holding my hand. I was then a mess until results. Rob sat and prayed with . The x-ray showed the tissue expander in place and my bones look OK. Relief. Was given muscle relaxers and he refilled my zanac for my upcoming surgery. Just in case. I may try and not use it.

Had a breakdown in the fitting room at Target. I went to get filters and seen something I wanted to try on. At one point I got a glance of my good boob in the mirror and started to miss having my breasts. I couldn't get dressed fast enough and get out of there. I wasn't of the best attitude at home and Rob straightened me out.

Last chemo was exciting and scary- because now do I sit and wait to see if I have a recurrence? I could see that happening. I just can't afford to do that. Plus I am still in treatment so I need to think about 1 step at a time.

Praying- has been more difficult lately. I just get so tired with trying to walk and get organized. When I don't pray I don't feel as good mentally. Also when I don't pray I feel like I'm so far from God and I can be a real baby when I don't get a sign that I'm ok.

BUT I did manage to pray for my dear uncle Guy and my friend M from Sloan. M hasn't had her chemo treatment in weeks and was maybe not going to be able to have it. I said a rosary for her this week and when I seen her yesterday she HAD HER CHEMO and was so happy! I will miss seeing M at chemo. She gave me a beautiful journal with bible quotes.

I finally replenished my Blessed Mother's vase this week - oh and Rob moved her.I went to mass Sunday and prayed to the Blessed Mother after mass as well as St. Theresa.

My Blessed Mother was given to me by my food friend Auroa. Remember that name.

My dear Leann- sent me the most beautiful package with 2 little satin bags- She sent me vintage earrings with a matching pin. A book mark of roses and two medallions- 1 of St. Francis and 1 of St. Theresa. Thank you Leann.

A lot of friends prayed for me my dear Liz Fin, Amy sent a great card, Barbara and Bettie checked on me. My friend Tammy checking on me. Marianne and Pat checked on me. Amber was strong with the check texts and as every treatment day sending that days "lucky text". Jen played phone tag with me. Caity and KathyB and friends sent messages checking on me. Lucas friends wonderful mom checked on us and kept us up to date. Uncle Guy and the whole family checked with me. Cousin Damian and Faith, and Missy they got in touch with me. JenJen form tatortotsandjello blog always sending prayers and love. JenJen and I have never met but she has been a great friend through all this. Annie at 5Peas sent me encouragement and good info! Becky kept in touch even through her troubles. Krista phoned in and her husband stopped by. Even little Mallory checked on me- I think? She called Lucas ;)

(Had to through that in to bug Krista) A newly diagnosed women offered help to Rob and I - amazing. Dean, Mary and Corey always supporting and helping us. Vicki my life saver is always there for me. Liz calling me and making me feel good.

For all my facebook friends praying and pulling for me. All the Breastcancer.org women.

Joe and Nicole always giving loving words and telling me they love me. My nephews and nieces who pray for me and make me cards and chocolate cover strawberries. My church group who prayed and kept me updated. My pastor and the Healing Mass at St. James for the healing they have done for me.

Rob's parents always there to help us. Pat constantly looking up info for us, the trip to the city and dinner and the phone calls and telling us they love us.

My dear parents- how sorry I am to have not been the strongest. There endless prayers, rosaries, dinners, clothing, taking care of Lucas. I can never repay you. The days I sat in the back seat of your car driving in the city I felt so bad that you had to take care of me at this time in your life. Thanks for the excited phone call after Chemo and the beautiful flowers waiting for me at home as well as my Pandora bracelet additions!

But most of all thanks for praying and pushing me to be better and giving me my religion.

Rob- I couldn't have done any of the appointments- treatment without. You are so precious to me. The days you hold me as I cry are priceless. The days you took my abuse- I'm sorry. You never turned me down to sit and pray and you actually encouraged me in times of darkness. I love you.

My Rob inspiration...a framed card he gave me

and a bride and groom given to me by Leann

My beautiful boy- he will never know how I would have never made it through everything without him in mind. I never want to leave him and I will fight for my life- I want to see his babies. He has made this journey with me and it has not been easy and I see it when he breaks down and cries for things to be normal again. It will not only be normal it will be better I promise. I know he prays for me and I love him more than my own life. Thank you my beautiful son I love you so much!

My Lucas inspiration: He loves me more than gravity- How cute!

The night before chemo I said my rosary asking for help from The Blessed Mother! Ask St. Theresa to once again help me to see the face of Christ in the people I meet.

So Rob and I went to the city alone- he's a good driver!

I always have to stop for a bathroom and so we got off in Jersey! It was a gas station with attendants. The kind of station that just has a booth type of building. We asked about a bathroom just for the heck of it. And they said they had one in that little building- what? So I go in and all I see is a door that looks like an office door- So I open it. Yeah it's an office. BUT here's the lay out:

To the left is a sink and toilet right in front of the toilet is a desk chair at a desk w/ a computer. In this little room was also a microwave and mini fridge. How weird- you could actually sit on the toilet and work on the computer....LOL

Ok - so as I'm doing my thing- and looking around for a hidden camera- What do I see- a rosary hanging up by the computer. HOW COOL. How many restrooms do think you could visit in Jersey and find a rosary? And that's the restroom we stopped at.

Well ever since I've been diagnosed I really enjoy looking at the sun and I love seeing birds. Birds make me feel so good- no idea why. My favorite birds are the ones that hang out on Dyer street entering NYC. They are always there. Birds and Jewels- Double nice!

Rob enjoys looking for models in the City:

I know the shades trick ;) When we go to the waiting room for my appointments- I've learned to sit by people I don't think are big talkers. I can't handle hearing too much bad news. So we picked a seat by another couple- see couples have each other to talk to and pretty much keep to them selves. So Rob had to leave me because we had a parking dilemma going on. Well don't you know the couple leaves and a woman sits right next to me in Rob's seat. I've seen her before when I was with my dad for a treatment- Dad talks to everyone. I don't know her story. She is skinny (very much not like me) she looks frail and I wanted nothing to do with talking to her. Nice- huh? Then I felt for her as she was on her phone talking to someone she loved, calling her dad to make arrangements for her children for the day, and talking to a friend who was suppose to be meeting her at the appointment. So being that even though I don't want to sit by talkers- I'm a talker. Plus did I just pray to see Christ in other people as in "get over yourself Danielle". I ask "How are you?" She says- "good" We talk about the doctors we are seeing- and in the process of the conversation I find out her cancer has spread to her brain. I think she had breast cancer when her daughter Auroa was 2- she is now 5 this time around with cancer. I was so mad/upset- I hate cancer! I ended up really feeling for this lady- why her? It's not fair! So then her friend arrived and she was off. The good news- She has cancer - it's spread to her brain and she still going! How funny her daughter's name is Aurao- not a name you hear everyday. I feel so bad for wanting nothing to do with her- that's a sin. I won't ever do that again- I pray.

I was nervous about this appointment because my oncologist was not going to be there and I had a female- sometimes I do better with male doctors. Anyways she comes in gives me the low down- I need to take iron again, will meet with my oncologist in 4weeks for Tamoxifen prescription, get a bone density test, and after radiation get a colonoscopy . And then she gave me a hug and sent me off to chemo. I love that she hugged me- it made me feel like a person. I wouldn't mind seeing her again when my guy is out.

Usually my chemo room has a view of another building- nothing too exciting as you can see.

Well this time the nurse told me I got a room with a great view! And it was a great view.

See that little white thing toward the middle of the picture between the two trees?

I had to take a picture! As I was taking it I noticed something way back- A Statue of The Blessed Mother! I know I was meant to have that room that day - Thank you Mary! I needed that.

During treatment I got to put on my 8th Chemo Bracelet! I LOVE it- It's my Pandora bracelet with the pink ribbon! Thank you so much Mallory, Kyle and Krista- I love you guys.

After treatment we walked over to FAO - it wasn't easy I was a little tired and I wore heels! I am determined to wear heels again!

So you know why we went there- I wanted a bear there. I feel in love with him the day before I started chemo. Well he was gone- some lucky kid is probably loving him right now. I did find this other guy who stole my heart. From these 2 pictures you can see me before chemo and after- it took a toll. It is so worth it! I still consider myself so lucky. These pictures however will help me to make my way back to a healthy happy person. It's inspiring to see. I do have to say this- there is a test you can take if you are estrogen positive and node negative- and if the score is to your liking you can skip chemo. Something to remember- that's why early detection is so important - this is why you shouldn't wait till you are 50 for your 1st mamo- don't do that.

Wow this picture is so not nice- motivational though~ I am so puffy :(

After FAO we walked some more and wanted dinner- we decided to take a chance and drive over to Little Italy for dinner at a place we like- Bonito 2. Well we got there and there was a parking spot right out front and the guy at the door told us we didn't need to bother with the meter- YEAH! Lucky for me I had a spare wig in the car because I had terrible hot flashes at the toy store and soaked my wig- GROSS. I had to actually go in the bathroom and wipe off my head and then put that wet wig back on - double gross. Anyway had a spare.

Dinner was good.

Notice the wig change ;) Tip: always carry a spare wig with you especially if you are going through chemopause!

After dinner we walked to find some dessert. We walked by an Italian shop my friend Auroa likes so I sent in just because it reminded me of the last time I was there with her. Well as I'm in there's a box of pictures- who's on top? A picture of St. Theresa- the only St. Theresa in the box I looked.

Thank you St. Theresa- I love you!

Last night I slept with my bear- maybe foolish but it made me feel good.

His name is MILES- because of all the miles we have travel through all this.

This post was extra long! I just wanted to document this very special thing- finishing Chemo!

Last but not least please pray for the moms fighting for their lives today.

Love

Danielle

ps- Chemo is DONE!!!

The Blessed Mother

Well I'm going to take a stab at witting a couple short stories about the Blessed Mother.

Story 1

Once upon a time there was a young girl with porcelain skin and light golden hair with big blue eyes. This girl came from a wonderful, soft family who guarded and cherished her. The girl fell for a boy with black slick hair and brown eyes who came from a strong family who adored him. The boys toughness conflicted with the girl's family softness. The girl loving them all so much didn't know what to do except turn to the Blessed Mother. The girl was working in a hospital and when she had time she'd go into the chapel and pray to the Blessed Mother. Eventually the boy softened for the girl's parents and the parents actually toughened up some. The girl and boy eventually lived happily ever after.

Story 2

Once upon a time there was a little girl in about 3rd grade. She had a little white face with dark brown hair and little brown eyes. She loved going to catholic school and mostly loved the nuns. She loved their habits and rosary beads. She even liked their sensible leather shoes with the little heals. The girl was learning so much about God, Jesus, and the Blessed Mother and she grew to admire the Blessed Mother. Around this time she learned about dying and heaven and thought about it quite a bit. One day she realized that her mom had the most dainty statue of the Blessed Mother in her bedroom. So when this girl had a problem she would sneak into her mom's room with her little uniform and prayed to the Blessed Mother. She asked for some big favors. She adored her family so much and prayed for them.

Story 3

A grown daughter was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and turned to her religion for some help. It was a struggle to understand everything and how to move on. Seeing the woman's pain her mother offers her daughter a prayer she has said to the Blessed Mother when ever she was in need of help and answers. She took the prayer and said it daily. As time went by the woman got stronger and continued to pray to the Blessed Mother every day. She then started going to see the Blessed Mother before the start of mass on Sundays to say her prayer at church and felt at peace there.

Story 4

A women is standing alone in a hotel room in New Jersey; she had been brought there by her husband, father, and brother to have a 2nd surgery for her breast cancer. The men excused themselves to go downstairs to eat. The women (who loves to eat), she wasn't allowed any food until after surgery. The woman was nervous because this surgery was going to give her more information on her cancer. Her cancer still scared her. So she went through all her prayers and came to the prayer she says to the Blessed Mother. While saying this prayer the Blessed Mother spoke to her. She told her, "This cancer is not going to be your death, but you will need to strong because life is not easy and you will experience things you prayed not to experience." The women felt a bit of relief, but the whole "BUT" bothered her. Was it really the Blessed Mother speaking to her? Why would she make her happy and then throw in a "BUT".

Well the woman had her surgery and it went well and came with good information about her cancer.

So if you haven't figured it out the 1st story was of my mother as a young girl.

The second story was me at a little girl.

The mother and daughter in the third story was me and my mother at the very beginnings of my diagnosis.

The woman in the hotel room was me. What I later figured out was that the Blessed Mother threw in that "BUT" because when I would sneak in my parent's room I would pray to die before all my family members. In third grade I was happy to go to heaven and wait for all my family. I didn't believe I could live through the deaths of anyone in my family. This to me was a message from the Blessed Mother so that I would know it was her speaking to me and that she's known and watched me always. And a message to toughen up!

If you are interested in the prayer it is called:

The "Memorare"

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.

Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

I still struggle with fear of my cancer, but I think of the Blessed Mother and feel better.

I also recently came across my favorite picture of the Blessed Mother I had as a child. Looking at this picture you can see how I could adore her so much. The picture is made of paper, fabric, and netting. It's hard to find something like this these days. I was saving it in case one day I had a daughter, but recently decided to hang it now. It seems a shame to just stow it away.

Sometimes I don't know the best way to get a story out so this seemed the best way.

Yesterday- I didn't go to work. I was a bit tired and Lucas really needed me and it took some work. Lucas just turned 13 so he is at the age where sometimes he wants his mom and other times no. I think that growing pains of getting older are enhanced because maybe he feels like I won't be able to baby him on those days he needs it. Maybe he feels he is being pushed out of the nest. I have been there for him always and since marrying Rob, Rob has been there for him too. Then when all this other stuff happened Rob and I had a lot of work, and decisions to make and Lucas may have felt sad. Although we spoke to him often he still just needs us to be there. So yesterday that's what we did. We did homework together like the old days and it was very sweet.

He did manage to have a fun kid party in the midst of everything.
I see this picture and love his little blonde head and remember when he was a baby.
X

I had to explain and apologize for not being able to be myself some days, but that it is all temporary. Everything going on is to cure me as weird as it may seem now. Talking and talking, hugging, kissing and praying can't do it enough with him.

Things I'm looking forward to:
Look Good Feel Better Class- this will teach me how to do make-up during treatment- this program is through the American Cancer Society.
Wig appointment- Hair it is on Front Street in Vestal will hopefully help me find a good wig
These things are important because sometimes I feel like all my girly things are going away for a while.

Today I didn't make it to work - felt tired. So I rested and then ate little amounts like everyone keeps telling me. I also got to try out my new STEP-UPS - Rob and I went for a walk. I think these Step-Ups are going to work...my butt and thighs did hurt a bit.
Other than tired I feel good. No major side effects. I'm blessed.

I'm going to work tomorrow!

I'm dying for some Chinese right now...lol