Sometimes I just miss Betty and her words of wisdom

What a great day!

I'm a fan of Bette

Well I met with my plastic surgeon and he said I did pretty good with the radiation.  There is a little bit of tightness, but not bad.  I'm still tan there so he wants to wait a bit till I get my nipple.  Well I have an appointment of March 3rd to get my nipple- yeah.  We had 3 options- 1st a tattoo of a nipple, 2nd he will gather the skin on my breast and make a raised area (like a nipple) and then tattoo, 3rd skin graft from somewhere else and then sew it on.  We decided on #2- which can be done right in his office.
We asked about the scar on my other breast because it's pretty red and raised- we are going to wait and if it doesn't go down on it's own he can inject steroids in it and help break it down.

Met with my breast surgeon and I got 2 breast exams- and they were excellent!  No lumps No bumps!  I will have my next mamo May 2nd.  I was so happy with my appointments, but I immediately start thinking of my next appointments and start to worry.  I'm getting better- but it's still hard.  I'm trying really hard this time to just enjoy the good appointments I had.

My next appointments are Dec 2nd with my oncologist- which I'm assuming blood work will be done to check tumor markers.....people worry about scans, but since I don't get scanned I will worry about my blood work.  Well I'll try not to.

Dec 3rd I will have my D&C and have that polyp removed.

Speaking of my uterus- I was able to visit my survivor friend in the city Francesca!  She is so sweet to us.....we ate good food and enjoyed some 25year old balsamic vinegar.  She gave me a Susan G Koman hat!  She's a uterine cancer survivor who does the Susan G Koman in the city and she is one strong lady.  Uterine cancer treatment can be very difficult for women- they go through some very invading procedures.

So anyways as we sit down I hear this song playing and I'm like - what is this song I know I know it.  I just couldn't figure it out and then finally I did.  A Man Without Love- BETTY'S favorite was singing!  Engelbert Humperdinck!  I couldn't believe it- How could that happen.  I mean Betty LOVED him so much.  I forget how many times she seen him in concert and actually in her casket she held her rosary and her tickets to the next Engelbert concert which she will now be watching from heaven.  I took that as a sign from Betty to live a little and enjoy myself.  WoW.  If anyone can get a message from heaven it would be smart little Betty.
Thank you Betty.

Also I'm so thankful for my mother in law for taking care of the dogs all day.  Thankful for Lucas' friend and his family for taking care of my little Lucas.  Lucas was so sweet to text me about my appointment.  I love that kid.    

I have a new book I'm reading
Getting Well Again- Carl Simonton- it's old but it's a good one.  I'm hoping to meditate more and use visualization.

A couple of blogs I follow that I Love:
The Carcinista- she is a wonderful writer and her recent post was one of the most beautiful things I read.
Dancing with Cancer- another wonderful woman who is kind enough to share their experiences and show us that you can live with cancer and even beat it right till the end.
These women make me believe that I could stand up to cancer no matter what- I love them for that.

My pilates workout is getting a little easier and I'm starting to look foward to class instead of dreading it.
I lost another pound - they are slow to leave but I think the pounds will come off.  Writing everything down that I'm eating is helping a lot and Heather has been so good with helping make some changes in my food choices.

Cheap Trick Tuesday

Well Betty said I should save my money so I really am going to be more frugal!  The first time I met Betty I had gone over her house so she could show me what she had done during her treatment some 14yrs ago and continued right until she went to be with Earl.   I arrived at her house and she was so cute dressed in her black.  We talked about cancer and then she told me how she just started doing things around her house...as in do-overs.  She did all of this with little money which made it even more fun for her.  Betty liked whites and creams so if she liked something and it didn't match she would just paint it.  She had her own little paint set-up!

After we sat for a while she was kind enough to show me her latest project; her bedroom.  Betty has a wonderful family and her son helped her with the project.  Betty had moved her bedroom down stairs to make it easier for herself.

Here is Betty's closet...the space was very limited so she had her son put in the posts in facing out.  As you can see...a lot of black!
Wish I had better pics- but I hadn't planned on taking pics so I had only my phone.

    
Next is her adorable bathroom right off her bedroom; she designed it herself.....is it cute or what?  Betty was 84 and she knew what was "IN".

And here is her linen closet....she detailed all those towels by hand and she also did the boxes too.

She even had a little spot in the closet for some of her breast cancer stuff...she didn't keep them out in sight....I believe because she didn't need the reminder. Sometimes its nice to look back, but it doesn't have to be in your face all the time. I loved her little pink band sitting there.    

And now my favorite- her bed- Heavenly!   Betty made that bedspread herself.  What a lady!  Betty designed this all herself as well.

See the accent above the bed was originally something else that she painted white.  She was real smart like that.  The bedspread was also material from something else.  I can't remember what she had told me- I'm gonna blame that on chemo brain.

Betty encouraged me to do stuff around my house to maybe take my mind off things and I think she was right.  I am going to try and re-do my bedroom finally. 

So the cheap trick is "Paint It"

Seen this over at Design Sponge- perfect example of what a little paint can do to change things up!

I've been struggling with bad thoughts for a few days now.....I was thinking I had cancer in my brain.....I have pain in my head sometimes and it freaks me out.  It isn't major, but when you start researching this stuff you start to really freak out!  I was sort of convinced that my head had cancer and that it has spread to my eyes- so frustrating.  Called Rob sobbing that I thought something was wrong with my brain.   BUT anyways- on my night stand I keep the angel Betty had given me and it is special to me.  I know she told me I could call her when I'm down......well so the night before last somehow that angel ended up hitting me in the head and Rob said, "There's Betty giving you a nudge".
Fear will be a part of my life, but I am working on getting it under control.  I have started to meditate more and listen to music that makes me feel good.  Prayer has also once again been so good for me.

St. Theresa- sent me a rose today!  Had an emergency trip to the Vet's office and she spoke to me about rose scented rosary beads- how often does that come up at the Vet's office?      

Feast Day of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux

On this wonderful day last year I was leaving for my biopsy when mom called and told me she was at mass and that it was the Feast Day of St. Therese.....I gathered my St. Theresa beads and was on my way with an urge to pray to her.  Through that whole appointment I felt like she was with me and I felt so good.  St. Theresa found me on her Feast Day through my dear mother and I love the both of them even more on this blessed day.

This is the day I attended my 1st healing mass at St. James with my parents, Rob's parents, Rob and Lucas.  Today I will be celebrating mass at Betty's Funeral......how incredibly touching.

Wanna hear something else- I attended Betty's viewing last night and guess what prayer cards she had -

     
"Be not afraid to tell Jesus that you love Him; even though it be without feeling, this is the way to oblige Him to help you, and carry you like a little child too feeble to walk."



Thérèse of Lisieux

Here she is at 13 

Let's also not forget it's the start of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and St. Theresa's own mother had breast cancer.

I love you St. Theresa

Sweet Betty

Angel given to me by Betty  

She sent it over to me without even knowing me

Jesus came for sweet Betty.  Betty taught me so much about surviving cancer-
I wish I had her longer.  How am I going to do this without her?  Oh I'll miss her so much- She gave me so much.  I'm hurting today. 

I'm so blessed to have last spoken to her after my Doorways weekend.  Betty was the one who told me about Doorways.  We talked on the phone for 2 hours- the longest we ever got to talk on the phone.  We talked about Doorways and how much we learned from it.  She talked about Earl (her late husband),  Rob and Lucas.

We discussed reading the bible and she told me she had read it at least 11 times now.  She said I should around Christmas time- read the Christmas story in the bible.

We spoke about meditation and Dr. Wayne Dyer- she was reading one of his books.  For being 84 years old she sure was young.  She got me going to different things like a Survivor dinner, Relay for Life and Doorways.  She got a new computer and she was going to start googling she tole me because she had some things she wanted to know.  She was so willing to learn about whatever she could.  I will never forget at the Relay for Life- she was intrigued by Lucas' silly bands.  Watching Lucas explain them to her was so sweet.  I'm so glad Lucas got to meet her.

On the phone we also got to talk about feeling God and not being afraid to die.  I got to share my story about Jesus and the wonderful unexplainable feeling I had one night when I know he was talking to me.  She told me about a time when her mom was sick right before a holiday and they were unsure if she was going to make it.  Well Betty at the time just popped up and said, "She's going to be OK and I'm going to go buy her a dress."  Betty just knew in her heart that her mother was going to be OK.  She said at the time she had no idea why she even said that but that she just had a feeling.  We talked about intuition actually being a sense of God.  She told me about how she believed Earl was with her and the little gifts that were sent her way so she would know.  Like the squirrel with the weird tail that Earl liked or the day Price Chopper sent her the flowers Earl always sent.

We talked about Mother Teresa- How Teresa struggled for not being able to feel God and how that was ok.

I'm so lucky to have met Betty.  She reached out to me a total stranger and gave me so much. 

Betty took me to lunch after all my treatment was done and it was lovely. When she got in the car she gave me a gift of note cards with my name on it (this was the card I wrote my note to my doctor on).  She looked at me and said, "You know you're going to be OK."  "I know you are because of your attitude."  She always spoke to me about attitude towards things.  I will always remember her story when she had woken in the hospital and her family was around with long faces.  See they all knew about the cancer by then.  Betty said to herself "Lady there's two ways this can go"- well as you can guess by now Betty took the high road and she made it. 
At lunch she said, "Now I want you to start forgetting about all this cancer stuff, you and I will talk about different things now".  "Your going to go on with your life now".   She asked me to pray for a friend of hers- that she loved and hoped would be ok.  She was so caring and loving to so many people.
After lunch we went back to her house where we had dessert.  We ate Banjos (she called them-chocolate covered ice cream on a stick).  As we ate them she told me about getting into painting and doing things around my house I enjoyed and she showed me her paint kit.  When we finished the Banjos she cleaned her stick and mine and told me to store them with my own little paint kit to stir my paints.  I'll never forget the article she sent me on jewels because my favorite Audrey Hepburn was in it.  She was so smart and frugal.   She told me to save my money- and sometimes instead of giving money to an organization you can when you run into someone with a problem or sickness just give them some money.  I will cherish my Atta Girl she sent me after finishing treatment.  I will now start that tradition with my family.  She talked with me about sometime going to Kelly's with her and her family, how to reheat pizza on the stove, eating my fruits and veggies, never doing tit for tat with your husband and so much more.  I hope I never forget any of it.  She took me under her wing and told me to call her anytime I was down or scared- after I told her I went off my zoloft.  She had so much knowledge- I remember one time she said to me "Do you know your body is creating new cells all the time and do you know that your body completely renews it's self every 7 years?" "Think about that."  She was always learning and sharing.

Betty loved her kids and grandchildren so much and they cherished her - you could tell.  Family was so important to Betty and she had created a wonderful family.

Betty also loved Engelbert Humperdinck!  I will listen to him when ever I want to think about Betty sitting in her kitchen with me having coffee.

Rob and I attended a Survivor Dinner with Betty and her son and it was so fun.  She was so young at heart and before the dinner we spoke about what we would be wearing- both of us black dresses.  Betty in black- what a classic girl.  She always told me little things I could do for Rob and Lucas.  She missed Earl so very much and reminded me how lucky I was.  Her only complaint was that at times she was lonesome, but she only mentioned it once and it was very quickly.

Rob was so fond of Betty as well.  Now whenever I'm whining Rob will say- Think about Betty.  He knew she was strong.

She had a book going of "Good Things" that happened to her that she wanted to remember.  She told me if she is ever confined to a bed she could pull out that book and read it.  She was a very smart lady.  I had hoped her never to be confined to a bed.  Cancer can be a very cruel disease, but Betty beat it!  So happy was I that she didn't die from cancer.   To know she passed in her sleep makes me happy and it is proof that God was kind to her for all the good she left on this planet. 

This quote seems to sum up what I learned from Betty:

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."
— Mother Teresa

God Bless you Betty and enjoy your Earl!
At Last...Heaven.
He's as beautiful as we thought- right?
I love you-
ps
nudge me ever now and then when I'm lost and scared